In the last week, I have cried, laughed, screamed, wept, prayed, ran, ate, and slept. I have cracked-it has been too much to handle-too my stress, too much sadness, and now tonight...I can't stop LAUGHING.
I can't stop laughing. Would you like to know why?! :)
*As I've written before, my kids are obsessed with giving me little gifts...I've been offered money (made them take it back home, but thanked them), little cards, pictures, candy, rulers, old pencils...they lay little gifts for me beside their folders as they do their morning work. THIS morning was a little different--my hilarious student-the one who wanders, is VERY needy, and has a very "gruff" voice, walked in today, and said "I got somethin for ya". Ok, hun, get it out and then go hang up your backpack and jacket. Then get to work. He pulls out a LIFE SIZED Dora Explorer doll-that was STUFFED into his backpack. I was FLOORED-almost burst out laughing, but instead, said: "That is so nice, are you sure you wouldn't like to keep this? You don't need to bring me anything. I just love having you in class." STudent-NO it's for you. I want you to take it to your house. (I gave him a big hug and said I loved it). Then he proudly walked to his desk. (Later at recess, I questioned him like crazy to make sure his mom knew he brought it, etc. I even asked if I could put it in the library center for all of the kids to cuddle with and share, but he INSISTED that I take it home). :) Lol SO funny and so sweet.
*In the last week, 2 of my kids have become homeless, several have told me horrible things, murders have taken place in families, and the state has come to question MANY of my kids. :( I was so emotional-so angry, so sad, so stressed for them-but tried so hard to keep my classroom very peaceful and enjoyable. Then I got a new kid last Friday. Let's just say that he spent the afternoon in the office after punching and scratching me. That night, I cracked. It has been the most heart-breaking month of my life. My poor kids, our poor foster child, poor ME (with my new kid, ha). My husband has never seen me like I was, last weekend. The good that came out of it, was I really had to rely on the Lord. Last year, I felt like if I snuck food into kids' backpacks, etc. that was doing SOMETHING....this year I KNOW it is SO far over my head. All I can do is LOVE the kids and PRAY that the Lord gives them hope.
*Monday, I was very hesitant to go to work. BUT as my new child was trying to mess around with my "gruff-voiced" student, during calendar time, my student turned to him and whispered, "Quit talkin. You needa listen to Mrs. Don't you wanna be smart?!" And you know what?! The kid LISTENED. For the rest of the week, if he would try to talk to the other kids or mess around while I was teaching, they would shake their heads and point to me. SERIOUSLY. I am kind of amazed, but also SO proud. I like to believe they're so excited to learn, but also a little protective of me. :)
This morning, before we went over the calendar, agenda, etc. I gave a little "mini-sermon". "I want to tell you guys something...." I spent the next 5 minutes talking about how they can reach ANY dream they have-that I BELIEVE in them-that when they are in high school or big kids, I want them to come back and tell me the GOOD they are doing in the world-that they are in school, stayin out of bad stuff, etc. "And do you know what I'm going to say?! I KNEW it-I KNEW that you could do it-i KNEW you were a great person, and I KNEW you could do great things". As I was going on and on, I started to tear up, because as I looked around at my class, they were tracking with me. They were nodding along and really taking me seriously. I made them repeat to me "I can do anything. I am a strong, wonderful person". They knew I really meant it.
*I pull in my "gruff-voiced" student during the recesses when I'm not on duty, to work on writing his letters-he loves it. I give him a little juice box, and we work on about 4 letters, then he goes out to play for the last 10 minutes of recess. Today, he worked really hard. Yesterday, I gave him a tracing book with letters to practice at home. "Mrs., I wanna do it, but I CAN'T. My brother breaks all my pencils. When I go outside, he gets in my backpack and BREAKS my stuff!!" I told him that was sad, but it was his responsibility to hide his backpack-he had to figure out how to protect his stuff from his 4 younger siblings. (I've been to this apartment, and it's kind of a mad-house). He promised he would work on the letters. Today at recess he said, "You know what?! I been workin on those letters. I did a whole bunch last night RIGHT when I got home. Then I went outside, and you know what?! My brother BROKE my pencils and wrote on my papers!" Sure enough, when we looked in his backpack, he had worked on his letters, and the pencils were broken.
It got me to thinking-I teach my kids to be responsible, etc. but sometimes I think teachers REALLY need to think about what is going on at home. Ok, in high school, maybe this kid isn't staying awake in class or bringing their homework back, and the teacher gets mad...but maybe they're falling asleep at school because they don't have a bed at home, or their parents are having parties at night, or they're caring for their younger siblings and don't have time to do homework. I'm not saying it's an excuse. We want to teach these kids, even more than other kids, to live to a higher standard-to work harder-but still...I hope teachers realize....
*I was so nervous to go pick up my class on Monday morning, because of the rough afternoon I had on Friday with my new kid, and as I passed my mailbox, I saw a crumpled up notebook paper in there-I opened it up, and it was a note from a student I had last year-a family I got very close to-"I miss you so much, Mrs. I wish I was still in your class. I want you to know that I still love you." And a picture to go with it....I wrote her a note back and slipped it into her backpack the next day. Little did she know, how much that note meant to me. I decided to bring her and her sister to church with me this weekend. :)
She doesn't realize how much I miss her, too! :) The next day I got a note from another one of last year's girls...I wrote her a note back and gave it to her in the hallway. I told her to put it into her backpack and read it at home. Her teacher, told me that she was so proud; "I GOT MAIL!" :) ha. I LOVE them.
*Everyday this week, a different one of my perfectly behaved kids had a major meltdown. They are going through REALLY hard things-all I had to do to calm them down was hug them and keep whispering to them "You know Mrs. loves you so much. I know things are really hard for you right now, and it's ok to be sad, but I know we are going to have a good day at school today. Don't you want to see all of the fun things we are going to do? You know I love you, and I'm so sorry that you are sad." :( It literally breaks my heart-SO unfair for these kids.
*I was going to try to "tone-down" Christmas in my class this year-last year I went a little overboard and it was stressful trying to get everything done--but after how horrible this month has been for my sweet kids, I think we're going to go ALL OUT this year. I know for most of them, their Christmas break won't be the happiest time. Most of their parents tell me that the kids don't like break-that they want to come back to school. :(
*OK, I can't finish my blog before posting about Myles the Elf. MYLES, that is the name of our Elf on the Shelf this year-They are VERY into it. The 2nd day we had him, I put a letter with him. As soon as we sat down for calendar, they found him and said-He's holding something!!! It was a letter from Santa. They were SO excited.
Yesterday, as we were lined up and about to leave, they were waving goodbye to Myles (sometimes, when they think I'm not looking, I'll see a kid waving up to the elf in awe), and one kid said "Can you PLEASE open the window now so we can see him fly?" I told them I would open the window, but that I think Myles would wait until all of us are gone to fly. My "gruff-voiced" student whispered "I wish I could go with him. I really wish I could go with him". :) I think on the last day of school before Christmas break, I'm going to have a basket sitting with Myles, full of little treats for the kids. They are very into him-yesterday, I put him with our class mascot (a stuffed turtle)'s arm around him. They said-"Awwww! Frankie R LOVES Myles!!!" :)
*One of my students' families is going through a lot-so they've been late picking her up. So, after school, she comes into my room and helps me set up for the next day, eats a little snack, and we talk. All day long she had been talking about how she needed glasses. I kept telling her that I didn't think that she needed them. Then she said "My sister has glasses. I wish I had glasses, too". I said: "You know what, my sister has glasses, but I don't. It's ok"...You have a sister? Me-Yes, I have 2 sisters. Student-So....does your sister just call you "Smith" (Instead of Mrs. Smith). I explained to her that "Smith" was my last name and that my sisters call me by my first name....it took awhile to explain. Student-Ooooohhh. Well...what's that name? :) I told her, one day when she is a doctor or a teacher or a ballerina, and she's grown up, she can come back to see me and she can call me by my first name.
"Mrs...I'm gonna get a job. Cuz I want to have a house. I want to have nice clothes and I'm gonna buy my family lots of food. I don't like not havin a house and food." I told her that I thought that was a good idea....because I couldn't really think of a good response to that. :(
*I feel really blessed to have the job I do-all day long I get hugs, and get to see kids full of pride and obsession with learning. What I love the MOST about them, is how kind they are to each other. I am trying to focus on hope. I am trying to focus on the fact that although most of their situations seem very bleak, they are at school for 8 hours a day and they LOVE school. The Lord is faithful. There is hope. There has to be.
"This is my Father's world. O let me never forget, that though the wrong seems often so strong, God is the ruler yet!" AMEN!!!
