Give us a Song...

*Warning: This might not be the happiest blog post. It has been a very emotional 2 days. I can't believe it's only been a 2 day week, because so much has happened. Very good things, and things so heartbreaking that I have been on the constant verge of tears for over 24 hours.

*I'm going to write my blog backwards this week. Tonight is the first night of Christmas break. I went to dinner with my husband, walked around the Plaza (so nice to be outside) and watched 2 stupid movies. No stress, no work to do...but a lot on my mind. Both of our minds. I dragged him into it all this week. It's nice for him to know exactly what I get to do everyday and how easy it is to be attached. His exact words: "I see how you could love these kids like they're your own."

*After school today, my husband helped me pack up my stuff (SO nice to have a helper!!) and then we headed home to pack up all of the gifts for the 2 families that we adopted. We packed the wrapped gifts in big trash bags. There were a LOT of gifts. Both families live in the same government housing. I didn't think through how it would go down--2 white people with tons of gifts, driving up to an apartment building. Students from my school poured out of the building screaming my name-so happy to see me at their home. It was sweet, but also so sad. We dropped off the gifts at the first home and received huge hugs from the mother and kids. Other people around the building stared at us as we left. We pulled up at the next area, and we saw people coming to each window as if saying: "What would they be doing here?" It was a strange feeling--not wanting to feel like the white people coming to "save the day" and also feeling a little scared. I needed to see that-to feel that. This is not far from where I live, but SO different than the life I've always known. When we dropped off the gifts at the next home, the apartment was full of kids. Older sisters watching younger siblings. No furniture, no sheets on the matresses on the floors. I can't explain what I saw. My husband described it as feeling as if you were in a Third World Country. But those are my babies-the homes they live in. I left not feeling guilt or judgement, but just utter sadness at the way things are. I am just so sad. Just because they are poor does not mean they have a bad life. It just means that they are not safe in the area they live in-the parks they play in are full of guns and violence. I was scared to be there, but my 5 year olds play there. I am thankful that my husband experienced that with me this time.

*Yesterday was a good day. My husband came in with me to school for the morning. When I asked my principal if it was ok, her response was: "I always think it is a good idea for husbands to see what we do all day long." :) After about 20 minutes of helping me before the kids came, he said: "Your daily life is so much more work than mine." Lol. My response: "But in a few minutes, you'll see why it's worth it!" And he did. He is so attached already! It was so nice to have a helper. When the kids came in, they were SO excited to meet him. We did a few learning activities and then made ornaments for their moms. My husband helped. He was so sweet with the kids-I know he cares about them--he has let me spent so much money, time and energy on them. He has never questioned me when I work late or have to visit a family. He has listened to EVERY story. Then he sat and played with them at centers. It was fun to see how he worked with them. He told me he was shocked at how small they were...but how much they knew. :) The rest of the day was great.

*After lunch we wrote letters to Santa to review the word: "Want." I was really impressed with their writing samples. One of my students that we adopted for Christmas wrote that she wanted shoes for Christmas. It's opinion writing, so when I asked her WHY she wanted them...she said: "Cuz my shoes is always fallin off-my feet are cold." (Guess what--you're getting them for Christmas!!!! Cute pink ones that you can show off!! I picked them out!!!) I just helped her sound out the sentence. :)

*After school I had a chance to talk with the mother of my student who has to move away. :( I asked her why they had to leave and she told me. Another father abandonment. Makes me want to throw up. One of my few families who had a father figure at home. I found out today, they may stay a little longer so she should be at school for awhile after break. I gave her my number and email in case she needs help with food or shelter over the break. She promised she'd call if she did. If I didn't come home to such a great man, I would be really tempted to HATE men. One of my students in her letter to Santa wrote: "I want my dad becuz he never comes to see me." alkjsdlnaldknfdlsndlkfs;lkdflsknkln:LASkdnl;fksmn. Those are my thoughts on that!

*I was so torn up last night. This morning when I ran on my treadmill, I listed to Lecrea. It helps to heal my soul. Pumps me up that the Lord can change things. I decided that we needed to party it up today. We needed a little joy. Today was an amazing day at school-our Christmas party/celebration day. I am SO proud of the work my students have invested this semester. The growth I have seen both socially and academically is beyond words. We partied all day long. We started off the day by decorating sugar cookies with our book buddies. Every year I can remember, I decorated sugar cookies with my family for Christmas. I wanted my students to get to do that too! Then we played Christmas Jeopardy. I was pretty suprised how much some of them knew-it was so fun. We went to centers--fun to see them interacting together-I looked around my class to see every student engaged. Playing learning games with friends, playing "teacher" at the library and holding the book up like I do to read to friends or working on writing at tables. We then went to our All-School Christmas Carol sing along (another reason why I LOVE my school!!). The choir led is in songs. I looked around my class...had 2 of my squirmy students on each side of me leaning on my legs as I sat in a chair. I realized that I am doing exactly what I want to be doing with my life right now. There was a line in one of the songs: "Give us a song. For all the despair and pain we see-just give us a song. A tune to help bring some joy." I looked around the crowd of kids in the cafeteria, thinking how true that must be for so many of them! How true it is for me. During that song, my students seemed to sense that I was sad. One by one, they looked up at me and smiled. As if to say..."It's ok, Mrs!" Strangely comforting.

We did lots of other fun activities and then after music class, we had our party. I showed a class slideshow that I made. They LOVED it. We finished our jeopardy game, had snacks and then had a dance party. :) The best part is that my husband came back. :) He had so much fun yesterday that he couldn't stay away! When he walked in, they all started to cheer. I'm not suprised they loved him--most of them do not have any men in their lives....the ones that do don't have very sweet ones. Ok, I'm being dramatic, 3 of my students have dads at home. 3!!!! Ok, done man bashing. I gave my students each a book, a candy cane and a pair of gloves. (Tired of those freezing hands at recess). Guess which was their favorite?! Yes...the gloves. They all put them on-LOVED them. :)

*I hugged all my babies goodbye-not sure what kind of break they will have. I don't want to sound work obsessed or sound like my whole life revolves around my school--I am excited for the break. I need time with my husband. No med school, no school work. It's just hard to leave it all behind. Especially after what I experienced tonight. I am still glad all of our amazing friends/family donated all of those gifts. Because it's not about me--it's about those kids having a few toys and some NEW, nice clothes/shoes/things to feel special. It's for the moms to give their kids something on Christmas morning. It's about beginning to break these stupid divides. We needed to see that. We needed to keep facing reality. When we got home, my husband said: "Back to our mansion."

*I am so excited to spend time with my in-laws. It's my first shared Christmas, and I am thankful to have 2 families that I love so much. In the teachers lounge today, everyone was talking about how hard it is to be with their in-laws. I just said: I love mine! Everyone was shocked. Then I get to go see my family and my sweet nephew and niece (It's been awhile since I've seen a white kid ;) haha. Seriously though). I feel so blessed. I plan on reading some Christian books, running a lot, sleeping a lot, eating a lot, and just being with my husband...and our families.

But first, I am going to have to run like 1000 miles on my treadmill tomorrow to try to lay all of this down. I am tired of being on the verge of tears.

I warned you that it was a sad blog post. I hope that you have a VERY Merry Christmas. We are all so blessed in so many ways!!

:)