How did you FIND us?!

Before I go on my 10 mile run to try to process yesterday, I am going to write a short blog. I always say that my eyes are being opened, and I pray that the Lord continues to do that for the rest of my life. Yesterday, my eyes were not only opened even more, but my heart was shattered. Some days, it is so hard to have hope.

*Last night on the way to Foster Care class, Jars of Clay song: "Take My Life Apart" came on--My husband and I used to listen to this song constantly in high school/middle school. We were screaming the lyrics as we drove through our city--and it became clear: He HAS! After the song was over, I began to think about how I believe the Lord has placed us EXACTLY where we are supposed to be. We sang that song/prayed that prayer YEARS ago, but the Lord heard us and is continuing to hear us!!

*I'll start with Monday at the center, because it's perhaps on of the most beautiful days I've ever experienced. Hardly any kids showed up on Monday morning. It was really odd, because they're usually waiting at the door when we get there. We ate breakfast and did the craft as usual, and then went outside to garden/ride bikes. As we were working in the garden, I saw one of my students who isn't part of the program come sprinting toward me. She jumped into my arms and because there were so few kids at the garden and several volunteers, I sat down with her in the grass and we talked for 30 minutes. Every few minutes, she would jump into my arms again for a hug and say: "I've missed you SO much!" or "I want YOU to be my teacher again!!" We went on to biking, and my student came with us...by this time, I had a little trail of about 5 preschool aged kids following, too.

The smallest bike broke a few minutes in, so the younger kids had nothing to do. I asked them if I could go get some books and read to them. Their eyes lit up and they jumped up and down and screamed: "YES!!!" I read stories to them in the grass and they huddled around me. Only my student had ever been to school, so I started teaching them about letters/rhyming/background knowledge. It was so fun to see how they hung on my every word. And it wasn't long until we had a small crowd of kids of all ages sitting around listening to me read: "Green Eggs and Ham". My student told the story of how I made green eggs & ham for their class this year and that it "wasn't too nasty". :) As I was cuddling with the kids and reading to them, I looked around the apartment complex. We were sitting in the field in the center of hundreds of aparments. My kids tell me stories of how "we hafta run REAL fast when the guns shoot outside. Don't worry, Mrs. We're REAL fast--they never get us!" The parents have told me about several murders recently. It is not a safe place to play. Yet, just for today...that field became a safe place to listen and learn. It was so touching.

*When it was time for lunch, all of the preschoolers told me they were SO hungry. I got a little worried, because our center is only for school-aged children. I couldn't find the guy in charge of the Center...so I just let them follow me in to lunch. (Would YOU be able to shut the door on hungry kids:?!?!?) :) When the leader came in to serve lunch, his eyes got big when he saw my table of kids. (Earlier that morning, for breakfast, I only had 1 kid there...now there were 7 kids at my table).The other tables were full too. We actually ended up having extra lunches, so I went outside to call in other kids. They came pouring out of their aparments. The lunchroom was much quieter than usual. The kids were so hungry and so thankful. Because most of our kids didn't come to center that day, we were able to invite in anyone else. It made me think of the Biblical parable about throwing the feast--if the ones you invite do not come, go out into the streets. As I looked around the room full of hungry kids, tears filled my eyes. I felt somewhat overwhelmed. At school, I am able to notice who is hungry in my class, sneak food/clothes into their backpacks to take home. Although I know this doesn't solve their problem...it gives them something to eat THAT night...at this Center the problem is OVERWHELMING. I realized that I can't give one family food--because I now know almost EVERY family there, and they are hungry too!! I left that morning feeling overwhelmed, but so grateful that we got to spend time with those kids!!! (Sidenote: I had been begging the leader of the center to make room for my sweet student who sprints across the grass EVERY day I'm there to see me-and once he met her at lunch--he DID! She's part of programming now!) :)

*On Tuesdays we go on a field trip. This week we went to the pool/gym to play games. We started out in the gym and had SO much fun. I played soccer with a bunch of boys/jumprope/tag...for a moment, these older kids were KIDS. They didn't have to watch their siblings or worry about the problems of life, but could just hang out and play games. We were all laughing and cheering and having so much fun.

Then we went down to the pool. I knew from last time that most of the kids don't know how to swim. I thought some of my new students would be scared to get in the water. I was VERY wrong. They stripped off their shoes and shorts and jumped right into the water. They didn't get out until it was time to go. :) We played shark and splash games. The joy in my little girls' faces was unreal. SO. MUCH. FUN! Some of the older girls started asking me to teach them how to swim. We started with some kicking drills and then I started teaching them how to float on their backs.
-I was holding these girls who have experienced SO much. At the ages of 8-10, most have had a drug experience, some are sexually active, and all of them seem resistant of love. As I held their backs, telling them to lay their head back, stick their bellies up, and keep their legs straight, I also kept saying: You're safe with me. Relax. I'm not going to drop you. I won't let anything happen to you. You're safe with me.
-It was incredible to see them...after a few minutes....begin to relax and smile up at me. I couldn't spend long with each girl, because there was a long line of girls wanting to learn how to float..and my back was hurting from holding these girls as big as me. :)
-For the rest of the time in the pool, the "big" girls were yelling at me to watch them "swim" as they tried so hard to kick and use their arms to get across the pool. It was hilarious and cute and so sweet. And EXACTLY the type of thing they should be doing at their age. Being a KID!

*We ate lunch together and then drove back to the center. As we were driving, the leader of the Center wouldn't turn on the "nasty" radio station that the kids wanted to listen to. One of the older girls said: "Ok...can we have the God music then?" The leader looked at me with SHOCK. I smiled and said: "She wants to listen to KLove. :) We drove back to the Center listening to KLove.
2 of my students, who I have been very involved with (Christmas presents/lots of food/home visits/etc.) had not come to center for 2 weeks. All of the kids said they were at their dads' house--which worried me, because I know some TERRIBLE things that dad has done to those kids...I decided to go over to the moms' aparment to check in to see if there was something I could do or if she needed to talk.

*Until you have seen these apartments, words can not describe them. I will do my best. I walked into a dark room filled with about 5 kids running around and a few adults. Hardly any furniture-most of which is broken. The most HORRIFIC music you can imagine was blaring. I met all of the adults and kids and talked to several who will be in Kinder next year (sure wish I could recruit my own class--SO cute!!!). I gave my students' mom a big hug and asked about the kids. She told me that they were at their dad's house and she wondered if I could go with her to pick them up. She doesn't have a car, and so of course I said yes.

As I stood in their apartment talking to the other adults while she put her shoes on, I thought about how hard it must be to grow up in this environment. I can't imagine trying to protect your kids from drugs/sex/guns when they are EVERYWHERE in music, REALITY, tv, etc. I started to wonder if there is hope for these sweet kids to come out of these situations with a different future.

We drove to the dad's apartments as their mother and I caught up. We talked about how much I love her kids, if they are safe at their dads, and she told me about a lot of terrible activities going on in the apartment complex...she is doing her best to protect her kids from these things. She is especially worried about her daughter--probably the most BEAUTIFUL girl in my class last year. The mother told me that most girls start to have sex at age 9 around there. (That is a 3rd GRADER!) And that she is trying to be so careful to protect her. I gave her suggestions about keeping music cleaner, monitoring what she watches on TV and making sure she can't run free with other kids during the day. Also to talk to her daughter about it. You'd think it would be too early to talk to a 1st grader about sex, but unfortunately it is not. She promised she would do those things. My heart continued to break. My poor baby. Do you remember what YOU worried about at age 6?!?!? Most likely, NOT that!

*We pulled up to the apartment building, and I noticed the mother get very tense. I know she does not have a good relationship with the dad, and the courts force her to send her kids here. I asked her if she wanted me to go get the kids. She said yes. As I walked up to the door, I knew my husband and mom probably wouldn't be too happy at what I was doing, but I had to get these kids out of this apartment. I knew I was safe. I knocked on the door and heard lots of kids inside (the mom told me dad has 8 kids total living in his apartment). No one answered. Finally, a gruff man yelled: Who is it?! I answered: "It's Mrs. I'm "Bob" &"Tina's" teacher here to pick them up. The door opened and the kids poured out. They gave me big hugs and said: "MRS! How did you FIND us?!" The dad got their stuff and handed it to me. I said thank you and left. They ran to the car to see their mom. I noticed immediately that my little girl student was very tense. That wasn't her normal way--at least not in my classroom or at center.

As we drove back to their aparments, they were asking about EVERYTHING that had happened in the last 2 weeks at the apartments. They had been safe at their dads, and even got new shoes, but they wanted to go HOME. We talked and laughed. When we got back to the Center, before they got out of the car, they said: "Thank you, Mrs. for bringing us back HOME". I hugged them all and told them I'd see them next week at center. They ran off to find their friends who they hadn't seen in 2 weeks.

*I got back in my car and drove back to my quiet, calm, clean mansion. Tears filled my eyes as I drove. After yesterday, it is so hard to have hope. I expect these kids to sit still at school and learn how to read. The more I get glimpses into their homes, the more I realize how DIFFICULT that is for some of them. Most of them.

Today I am left with a sick feeling. It makes it hurt so much more when you love these kids as your own. I get on facebook or listen to people talk about how "We have to take care of our own" or "People work hard for what they have--we're not going to pay for you to go to the doctor" or "They could make better choices" and I want to scream back: GO MEET one of these kids and then tell me how you feel. YOU grow up in that apartment and come out successful, a college grad with a steady job. DId YOU have people pressuring you for drugs when you were 9?! Did you know about sex when you were 5?! We did NOT earn what we have. We have GOT to take care of each other. We have drawn these stupid social lines and we REFUSE to cross. We refuse to see what life is like on the other side. There is a LOT of beauty, a LOT that they could teach us, but also a LOT of pain due to poverty, lack of education--we NEED each other.

*One of my babies told me how she went to church. "I go to church now, Mrs. JUST like YOU!" :) A bus comes to the aparment complex and loads up with kids to take them to a local church. God bless that church!

I am going to go on a very long run today. I'm going to run as far as I can-- to pray for change. Pray for our city and for all social classes. I am going to run in the mansion neighborhood, just 2 miles from where I was yesterday.