*Today was the last day of volunteering. School starts in a few weeks, and I've already been in my classroom a ton getting things ready. My husband keeps making fun of me for how much I am doing now, but thinking back to August and the 14 hour days makes me want to work a lot now. I am changing a lot about the set-up of my classroom and I feel like this is going to be a GREAT year.
-I realized that today I needed to let go of my students and be ready to pass them on to 1st grade. Today was great and so hard. For so many reasons..I don't know how to process. I come home and RUN as hard as I can on my treadmill-and I listen to "Lecrae" pandora and I cry and I vent to my husband. ..I'll try to keep it short-
*The morning started off with kids eating muffins & playing board games. I played Candyland several times with a few girls and then played "Scrabble" (aka see what words you can find) with a sweet boy. He was sounding letters out and having so much fun. While we were doing that, one of my lowest girls was at the same table with a crayon and paper asking me to challenge her. "Gimme somethin to write, Mrs!!" I'd give her a word (shop) and she'd sound it out, write it down and run over to show me. We'd do a little celebration dance everytime she got it right. I was so encouraged to see what she remembered.
*I noticed one of my boys wasn't there and asked another kid where he was....They told me he was outside on the porch. I went outside and found him bent down. I asked him if he was excited to go swimmin and he said: "I can't go".
Me-Why?
Him-I didn't have no time to clean my face. (He had gunk on his face from sleeping).
Me-Oh, let's go inside and wash it off.
Him-NO!! They'll laugh at me.
I eventually talked him into coming in as I covered his face and rushed him to the bathroom. We were both laughing when we got there. But it was also a little sad--he is too young to be caring what other kids think.
*As we piled into the van, I was talking to my little girls about what they want to be when they grow up. One said: I wanna be a doctor like Mr. (my husband). How's he doin?! :) lol
Another said: "I wanna be a teacher". Me-Why? Student-I wanna be a teacher so I can teach kids to read and give them food in they backpacks, just like YOU do. --Love their dreams.
*We went SWIMMING. My kids who didn't know how to swim/blow bubbles/put their heads under water/float, etc. 4 weeks ago, were SWIMMING today. I'm talking REAL swimming-blowing bubbles, using their arms, kicking....most of them could get across the pool. Kids of ALL ages shouted for hours: "Mrs!! LOOOK!!!" I took videos to show my husband just so he knows I am not exaggerating!! I seriously do not think I have smiled that much or that big since my wedding. It was hours of pure joy and pride. Kids that usually act like they are 16 were acting more like 6 :). I played basketball with the big kids & practiced swimming and floating with all of the little ones.
*After we ate lunch, the kids were lined up on the wall. The big kids were a little out of control. I told one boy to get on the wall and he started to pretend to line up for a mug shot. Another kid laughed. I looked at the kid seriously and said: "You don't have to be that. It's not even funny. I know you know a lot of men who are in jail and do bad things, but that's not you. You are a good kid and can play basketball in college someday. I don't even want you to PLAY like that, because it's not you! You're a GOOD kid!" Strangely neither of them laughed. They both looked at me very seriously, nodded and stood nicely in line.
*Another girl started calling another the "N" word. All of the kids looked at me to see how I would react. I looked at her sadly and said: I am just SO sad you said that. I'm SO sad you talk like that. We just had the BEST day swimming (just 30 minutes before she was acting like a little girl with so much pride as I taught her to float) and you're trying to ruin it with such mean words. I think you should go stand by that wall over there, because I am just SO sad you are talking like that. I don't have anything else to say". She walked over and a few minutes later came back and said, "Mrs..I'm sorry. I will talk nice."
Later we were in the van. The leader was so mad at the big kids for acting crazy that everyone had to ride in silence. I usually sit cuddled up with my little kids, but today I sat in the very back of the van between 3 big boys. We sat silently for awhile, and then I spoke softly to them: "It really made me sad how you guys were talking out there, and do you want to know why? (Their faces were SO tough). I pointed to my little students in the van..."Those little ears are listening. They are looking up to you. They want to BE like you. And they heard you guys say those things."
Student-It don't matter. They MOMMAS say those things. THEY say those things. EVERYONE around here talks like that and does bad stuff.
Me-EXACLTY why YOU should be different. They need SOMEONE to look up to. You don't HAVE to be like that. You are a role model for them. A lot of men at your apartments make bad choices. A lot are in jail, a lot have guns and fight and talk nasty to women. But you don't have to be that. You can go to college-you are not going to go to jail. These are my students. I love ALL of you so much. I care about everyone in this van. Will you PLEASE promise me that you'll try to be a good role model for them!?
I looked at the boys and noticed tears coming down their cheeks. They both nodded. I patted their legs and said "You are good boys. I know you're going to do great things." They wiped their tears and we rode back to school in silence. When we got back, I told them I'd be around the center this fall to check in on them. (They are middle schoolers).
I hugged all of my students and ALL of the kids who aren't my students. I told them all that I loved them and that I'd see them in a few weeks at school. Studnet-Can we PLEASE have one more day of center?! PLEASE?!
Another student-Can we PLEASE come to school tomorrow?!
I promised them that I would be working at school and told them all to stop in and see me. And even though I spoke with so much hope today-I am filled with so much despair. I believe every word I said to those boys today, but they need to be hearing that EVERY single day. They need someone to have hope for them. Yesterday as I was leaving the center, for the first time EVER up there, some men said some nasty things to me. They were trying to hit on me and I wanted to respond "I will be your child's TEACHER" but I didn't. I smiled and walked away. It doesn't usually bother me when men are gross-but thinking that some of THESE boys could be THOSE men someday terrifies me. We have to do EVERYTHING we can to give those kids their childhood back. They've grown up too fast and seen WAY too much.
A couple of my students were huddled around me telling me: "Mrs., there are a LOT of guns up here. People are dyin. One baby got shot in the foot. Hopefully it'll be ok." But then they all said: "But we know-we promised you we'll NEVER play with guns. We'll tell our momma if people are doin bad stuff."
Me-That's right. You are GOOD kids and you are going to be doctors and teachers and ballerinas someday. I am SO proud of you.
:)
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