I CAN BE ANYTHING that I want to be!

In the last week, I have cried, laughed, screamed, wept, prayed, ran, ate, and slept. I have cracked-it has been too much to handle-too my stress, too much sadness, and now tonight...I can't stop LAUGHING.

I can't stop laughing. Would you like to know why?! :)
*As I've written before, my kids are obsessed with giving me little gifts...I've been offered money (made them take it back home, but thanked them), little cards, pictures, candy, rulers, old pencils...they lay little gifts for me beside their folders as they do their morning work. THIS morning was a little different--my hilarious student-the one who wanders, is VERY needy, and has a very "gruff" voice, walked in today, and said "I got somethin for ya". Ok, hun, get it out and then go hang up your backpack and jacket. Then get to work. He pulls out a LIFE SIZED Dora Explorer doll-that was STUFFED into his backpack. I was FLOORED-almost burst out laughing, but instead, said: "That is so nice, are you sure you wouldn't like to keep this? You don't need to bring me anything. I just love having you in class." STudent-NO it's for you. I want you to take it to your house. (I gave him a big hug and said I loved it). Then he proudly walked to his desk. (Later at recess, I questioned him like crazy to make sure his mom knew he brought it, etc. I even asked if I could put it in the library center for all of the kids to cuddle with and share, but he INSISTED that I take it home). :) Lol SO funny and so sweet.

*In the last week, 2 of my kids have become homeless, several have told me horrible things, murders have taken place in families, and the state has come to question MANY of my kids. :( I was so emotional-so angry, so sad, so stressed for them-but tried so hard to keep my classroom very peaceful and enjoyable. Then I got a new kid last Friday. Let's just say that he spent the afternoon in the office after punching and scratching me. That night, I cracked. It has been the most heart-breaking month of my life. My poor kids, our poor foster child, poor ME (with my new kid, ha). My husband has never seen me like I was, last weekend. The good that came out of it, was I really had to rely on the Lord. Last year, I felt like if I snuck food into kids' backpacks, etc. that was doing SOMETHING....this year I KNOW it is SO far over my head. All I can do is LOVE the kids and PRAY that the Lord gives them hope.

*Monday, I was very hesitant to go to work. BUT as my new child was trying to mess around with my "gruff-voiced" student, during calendar time, my student turned to him and whispered, "Quit talkin. You needa listen to Mrs. Don't you wanna be smart?!" And you know what?! The kid LISTENED. For the rest of the week, if he would try to talk to the other kids or mess around while I was teaching, they would shake their heads and point to me. SERIOUSLY. I am kind of amazed, but also SO proud. I like to believe they're so excited to learn, but also a little protective of me. :)

This morning, before we went over the calendar, agenda, etc. I gave a little "mini-sermon". "I want to tell you guys something...." I spent the next 5 minutes talking about how they can reach ANY dream they have-that I BELIEVE in them-that when they are in high school or big kids, I want them to come back and tell me the GOOD they are doing in the world-that they are in school, stayin out of bad stuff, etc. "And do you know what I'm going to say?! I KNEW it-I KNEW that you could do it-i KNEW you were a great person, and I KNEW you could do great things". As I was going on and on, I started to tear up, because as I looked around at my class, they were tracking with me. They were nodding along and really taking me seriously. I made them repeat to me "I can do anything. I am a strong, wonderful person". They knew I really meant it.

*I pull in my "gruff-voiced" student during the recesses when I'm not on duty, to work on writing his letters-he loves it. I give him a little juice box, and we work on about 4 letters, then he goes out to play for the last 10 minutes of recess. Today, he worked really hard. Yesterday, I gave him a tracing book with letters to practice at home. "Mrs., I wanna do it, but I CAN'T. My brother breaks all my pencils. When I go outside, he gets in my backpack and BREAKS my stuff!!" I told him that was sad, but it was his responsibility to hide his backpack-he had to figure out how to protect his stuff from his 4 younger siblings. (I've been to this apartment, and it's kind of a mad-house). He promised he would work on the letters. Today at recess he said, "You know what?! I been workin on those letters. I did a whole bunch last night RIGHT when I got home. Then I went outside, and you know what?! My brother BROKE my pencils and wrote on my papers!" Sure enough, when we looked in his backpack, he had worked on his letters, and the pencils were broken.

It got me to thinking-I teach my kids to be responsible, etc. but sometimes I think teachers REALLY need to think about what is going on at home. Ok, in high school, maybe this kid isn't staying awake in class or bringing their homework back, and the teacher gets mad...but maybe they're falling asleep at school because they don't have a bed at home, or their parents are having parties at night, or they're caring for their younger siblings and don't have time to do homework. I'm not saying it's an excuse. We want to teach these kids, even more than other kids, to live to a higher standard-to work harder-but still...I hope teachers realize....

*I was so nervous to go pick up my class on Monday morning, because of the rough afternoon I had on Friday with my new kid, and as I passed my mailbox, I saw a crumpled up notebook paper in there-I opened it up, and it was a note from a student I had last year-a family I got very close to-"I miss you so much, Mrs. I wish I was still in your class. I want you to know that I still love you." And a picture to go with it....I wrote her a note back and slipped it into her backpack the next day. Little did she know, how much that note meant to me. I decided to bring her and her sister to church with me this weekend. :)
She doesn't realize how much I miss her, too! :) The next day I got a note from another one of last year's girls...I wrote her a note back and gave it to her in the hallway. I told her to put it into her backpack and read it at home. Her teacher, told me that she was so proud; "I GOT MAIL!" :) ha. I LOVE them.

*Everyday this week, a different one of my perfectly behaved kids had a major meltdown. They are going through REALLY hard things-all I had to do to calm them down was hug them and keep whispering to them "You know Mrs. loves you so much. I know things are really hard for you right now, and it's ok to be sad, but I know we are going to have a good day at school today. Don't you want to see all of the fun things we are going to do? You know I love you, and I'm so sorry that you are sad." :( It literally breaks my heart-SO unfair for these kids.

*I was going to try to "tone-down" Christmas in my class this year-last year I went a little overboard and it was stressful trying to get everything done--but after how horrible this month has been for my sweet kids, I think we're going to go ALL OUT this year. I know for most of them, their Christmas break won't be the happiest time. Most of their parents tell me that the kids don't like break-that they want to come back to school. :(

*OK, I can't finish my blog before posting about Myles the Elf. MYLES, that is the name of our Elf on the Shelf this year-They are VERY into it. The 2nd day we had him, I put a letter with him. As soon as we sat down for calendar, they found him and said-He's holding something!!! It was a letter from Santa. They were SO excited.

Yesterday, as we were lined up and about to leave, they were waving goodbye to Myles (sometimes, when they think I'm not looking, I'll see a kid waving up to the elf in awe), and one kid said "Can you PLEASE open the window now so we can see him fly?" I told them I would open the window, but that I think Myles would wait until all of us are gone to fly. My "gruff-voiced" student whispered "I wish I could go with him. I really wish I could go with him". :) I think on the last day of school before Christmas break, I'm going to have a basket sitting with Myles, full of little treats for the kids. They are very into him-yesterday, I put him with our class mascot (a stuffed turtle)'s arm around him. They said-"Awwww! Frankie R LOVES Myles!!!" :)

*One of my students' families is going through a lot-so they've been late picking her up. So, after school, she comes into my room and helps me set up for the next day, eats a little snack, and we talk. All day long she had been talking about how she needed glasses. I kept telling her that I didn't think that she needed them. Then she said "My sister has glasses. I wish I had glasses, too". I said: "You know what, my sister has glasses, but I don't. It's ok"...You have a sister? Me-Yes, I have 2 sisters. Student-So....does your sister just call you "Smith" (Instead of Mrs. Smith). I explained to her that "Smith" was my last name and that my sisters call me by my first name....it took awhile to explain. Student-Ooooohhh. Well...what's that name? :)  I told her, one day when she is a doctor or a teacher or a ballerina, and she's grown up, she can come back to see me and she can call me by my first name.
"Mrs...I'm gonna get a job. Cuz I want to have a house. I want to have nice clothes and I'm gonna buy my family lots of food. I don't like not havin a house and food." I told her that I thought that was a good idea....because I couldn't really think of a good response to that. :(

*I feel really blessed to have the job I do-all day long I get hugs, and get to see kids full of pride and obsession with learning. What I love the MOST about them, is how kind they are to each other. I am trying to focus on hope. I am trying to focus on the fact that although most of their situations seem very bleak, they are at school for 8 hours a day and they LOVE school. The Lord is faithful. There is hope. There has to be.

"This is my Father's world. O let me never forget, that though the wrong seems often so strong, God is the ruler yet!" AMEN!!!

I IS smart!!

*It has been a LONG time since I blogged-partly because things have been very hard and I haven't been able to put things into words, and partly because I am consumed with this amazing toy drive. Get ready!

*I'll start with some amazing news-One morning a few months ago, when I was running on my treadmill, the Lord gave me an idea for a toy drive at the very poor apartments I write a lot about-the ones I worked at this summer. I had a vision of buying a toy for every kid in the apartments (about 260). I hadn't made any progress with the project, until one day my aunt facebooked me and asked if we were "adopting" kids for Christmas again, to buy presents. That got the ball rolling...long story short, less than 2 months later, we have collected enough money and toys so that EVERY child will get an (amazing!) toy, and enough money to buy shampoo, soap, deoderant, detergent, toothbrush, lotion, etc. for EVERY family. I can not take ANY credit for this-people have been SO generous, my mother in law has helped SO much, and the hand of the Lord has been VERY present! For instance, on the day before we were going to buy all of the toys, Groupon had an AMAZING offer for Toys R Us-the store we were going to buy all of the toys at, Toys R Us gave us a 25% discount....long story short, my husband and I left the store with 9 carts full of toys, and we saved $700!! It is AMAZING how much the Lord has blessed the drive. I am so excited to see how it turns out-gives me hope!

*Today in centers, one of my kids who just moved from China (and knew NO English at first, and has taken OFF!) was working on a 3 letter word puzzle. He was working on the word "map" and it had a picture to go along with the word. I heard him pointing at the map and telling another child, so excitedly, THAT IS CHINA!!! :)

*I have a student who is extremely neglected. When he came into my class in mid-October (first time enrolling in school), he was labeled as a HIGH behavior child. It is true that he doesn't know how to interact with others, he is the sweetest child. He gives me big hugs and gets along GREAT in my class. He does have trouble in the bus line, at the apartments, etc. One day, I heard that he was out of control in the bus line-that the teacher had to get the principal. I talked to him about it the next day-not angry at all....he hung his head and was so sad that he had disappointed me. He promised he would try to treat others more nicely. We haven't had a problem since. The other day, (while my other kids are counting to 100, writing numbers past 20, etc.), this student was working at the Counting Jar center. He counted his objects and then started to record in his notebook. He raised his hand SO excitedly, and said "MRS! I WROTE THE NUMBER 2!!!!" :) Small steps! :)

At the end of the day, a 5th grader comes to pick up our bus riders. I hugged them all goodbye and they left. The rest of my kids were in line waiting to go home. This student was still in line, even though he rides the bus. I said: "Mark, why didn't you leave with the bus riders?" His answer: "I really want you to drop me off!" I agreed (had a glimpse of how he lives, last week, and now will do pretty much ANYTHING I can to give him attention and love)....I walked my class to the corner of the hall and told him that's where I would "drop him off". He smiled SO big, gave me a huge hug, and drug his backpack down the hall to the bus line. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE this kid!?

*Pretty much ALL of my kids are in crisis right now. It is UNREAL. Yesterday, a grandma came in and told me my kids' uncle was murdered. 2nd murder this YEAR! Today, that student brought in a picture of him and his uncle that he wanted to share with me. I choked up, and told him that I was so sad that had happened, and that I love having him in class, and that it's ok for him to be sad, too. His grandma also told me that she's been taking him to church. His Sunday school teacher told his grandma "He is so smart!" He turned to his grandma and said, "I IS smart. Mrs. Teran tells me all the time". She said: He used to be so shy and not know nothin. Now he can read and write. (He came in not even knowing how to write one letter or number, and now is one of the highest kids in my class). I smiled and hugged him so tightly.

*As I looked around my class during calendar time, they were all singing and counting so sweetly. I looked at each kids' face, and was struck that there is something VERY hard going on in almost every kid's life right now. It is so discouraging. If only their life was like it is at school, I know they would succeed. They are so smart and sweet and adorable. I can't even begin to describe how much it breaks my heart. These kids have become like my own kids, and to not be able to protect them, and just having a GLIMPSe of how neglected, hungry, dirty, and EXPOSED they are-just shatters me. I really can't write any more than that...I don't know how to process, I don't know how I can even help them. We're talking crisis..not like just a little hungry or could use a hug....we're talking HORRIBLE things.

*We had a thanksgiving feast last week. It was SO fun--my mother in law and a volunteer both joined us. We had LOTS of food and made some eggs together. We pushed together all of our tables and sat around them "like a family". The kids were very thankful, but were also sure to save some food. I assured them that they could eat it all-I was going to send home extras with them. Before we ate, they had to go around and say what each child was thankful for. It made me cry as EACH child could think of so much to be thankful for. The next week, in writing time, one of my girls was drawing a story and writing her sentence. I asked her what her story was about: "It's about when we ate all of that food that you brought for us. Remember that? I LOVED that!"

*After school, before Thanksgiving break, LOTS of kids (ages 5-10) came up to me and told me that they didn't want to have a break from school. 5th grade boys were telling me that they wish they didn't have to be at home for 5 days. :(

*We had a failed foster placement a couple of weeks ago. It was the hardest thing my husband and I have ever faced. Most of the nights that the child was with us, we fell asleep clinging to each other. I'm not sure where the Lord is calling us from here-but the more I see the need in my class, the more I am thankful that I have a license. Maybe someday it will be needed by one of my babies.

*We learned the sight word "they" yesterday. We talked about how we use the word to describe OTHER people, so I had 2 girls stand up (some of my most needy) and we used sentences to describe them. Without me even leading it, it became COMPLIMENT time--ex. "They are SO nice, They are SO smart. They are pretty. They make me laugh. They are good friends." Again...Mrs. is crying. :)

*My kids are obsessed with giving me gifts this year. The other day, as the other kids were hanging up their coats, backpacks, etc. a kid handed me a couple of dollars-I asked "What is this for, honey?" "It's for YOU!" I smiled and said, "I love that you want to give me a gift, but I don't need money. All I need is for you to be a good friend and learn ALL that you can today".

*Yesterday, one of my girls was having a ROUGH day. This child has a rough home life, and is always so hungry. She is not sure how to interact with other people very well. At the end of the day, she was being defiant, knowing that I would have to talk to her mom...I took her face gently,  in both of my hands, and quietly spoke to her: "You are a beautiful, smart girl. I was disappointed to see you acting that way today, because I know you are SO MUCH MORE! I want you to learn and do your best, because I know that you will do great things. You are SO smart. I am not going to let you fail! Remember at reading group, how hard you were working on sounding out words?! You KNOW your letters-you are READING. You are so smart. I care about you so much and LOVe having you in class. I am NOT going to let you fail! Tomorrow will be better". The most touching thing, is that, this little girl who I RARELY see cry, had tears coming down her cheeks, as she was nodding "yes" to me.

*The weekend after our foster placement failed, we had 5 of my students over to eat lunch and go to the park (a 5th grade boy, 3rd grade girl, 2 first graders and my kinder kid-one of the 1st grade girls was my student last year). We absolutely LOVE this family--they call me their "God-momma" :). Last time we took them out, we went to Pizza Hut and a free children's museum, but this time, we wanted to do something free. Nothing too special, just spend QT together. When we picked them up, as soon as we knocked on the door, we heard the kids inside screaming, "SHE'S HERE!!" When we got to our house, we played board games, while we got lunch ready. They were looking around my living room in AWE of everything-the older girl said: I've never seen a house this clean before!! It is beautiful! We ate lunch (They were so thankful and even washed off their plates afterwards). We talked a lot at lunch and then got ready to go to the park. We brought bread with us to feed the ducks. On the way to the park, a nasty song came on the radio. I told the kids I didn't want to listen to that song. They said, "Why, Mrs?! Does it have cussin' in it?!" I said-I want to show you some music that I like-this is Lecrae. Do you want to hear my favorite song? "YES!!! What's it about Mrs?" I went on to explain that it was about how much God loves us-that no matter what is around us-drugs, guns, hunger, etc. that God cares so much about us. As we drove, they started singing (rapping) along. Tears were coming down my face as I drove the car. Then the next song came on. "Is this song about God too, Mrs? Or about Jesus? I LOVE this God music!" I turned the music down, and told them: "Guys, please promise me, that no matter WHAT happens, you will NEVER use a gun or drugs. Don't even hang around people who do those things" And my 5 YEAR old answered: "Oh NO, Mrs! I PROMISE. Even if I see a TOY gun, I'll run away". The kids continued to tell me that shootings happen a LOT at the apartments and that one of their friends was killed last year, and that a baby was shot in the foot. "But we PROMISE, Mrs, we'll NEVER touch one, because those people who use guns to hurt people are consumed by SATAN, and we are consumed by GOD. We promise, Mrs!" We turned the music back up, and rapped about God the rest of the way to the park.

When we got to the park, the 5th grade boy told my husband: I never want to go home. My husband responded: I know we're having fun, but I'm sure you'll want to go home later. The boy responded: No I won't.

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing on the equipment at the park (they were AMAZED by the beautiful park) and then we went to feed the geese. We fed them bread and the kids spent about an hour looking at the ducks and sweetly feeding them little pieces of bread. It was so sweet to see. My little first grade girl from last year was TERRIFIED of the geese and was clinging to me, but the boys were obsessed with them. They thought it was so fun. :) On the way home, we got a super cheap ice cream cup for each kid. They ate a few bites, but wanted to be sure to save the rest for later. When we dropped them off at home, they said thank you and went back into their apartments. My husband and I agreed that it was the highlight of the entire week.

*Today I spent recess (I wasn't on duty) with my student, who I found wandering around in the dark, hours after school got out. Not having any idea where his mom was. He is so desperate for love, and is such a smart boy, but doesn't hav a clue how to write letters/numbers. I made a book to trace and write letters and numbers and decided to pull him in from recess, everyday that he wants to and that I don't have duty. He EAGERLY agreed, when I offered. We went back to our room, and he chatted the whole way down the hallway. We started writing the letters and he made a lot of progress. We worked on A, B, and C today. Feeling very successful, and drinking his juice box, he grinned at me. He was very focused on writing his letters, but once in awhile, would look up at me with pride. Me: What did you eat for lunch?
Student (in a super "gruff" voice): Um, I can't remember what it's called...somethin yellow.
Me (knowing they had hamburgers today): Mustard?
Student: WHAT?! Why would I eat MUSTARD?! lol
When I first showed him the book of letters, he looked at me like I was crazy, and said: How am I gonna write ALL those letters?! :) I assured him that we were just going to do a few, today! :)

*When my mother in law was here for the thanksgiving feast, one of my little girls kept saying, "My teacher, she LOVEs me!" :)

*We practice our sight words every morning before calendar. When we get to the word "me", we clap it, and spell it, and then I have trained them to say this sentence, "My teacher loves ME!" Then they all smile so proudly. I respond: Yes, I really do!

For the sight word, "am", they clap, spell, etc. and then say "I AM awesome!!" And I respond (with MEANING), YES you are!!!

:)

Smiles

I have the sweetest class. They are so eager and thankful to learn, that it makes teaching them easy, fun and exciting! I LOVE my job.

*We have a 3 day weekend this weekend, which is more precious than gold to a teacher....but I got home a little discouraged and heavy-hearted on Thursday. I am overwhelmed by how SO many of my kids are in crisis. One of my kids moved into a "homeless" status this week. She is the oldest of 4 kids with a single mom. After several phone calls from her crying, discouraged mom, several emails with the district and a lot of prayer, we finally got it set up that my student would be picked up from her new location and brought to my school. I was so excited to get my sweet student back, but also knew the journey was not completed for her family. I called the mom to again ask if they were SAFE where they were staying, if there was anything I could do, etc. She said they were ok. I asked if they had food to eat. Sadly, she told me they did not have much and wouldn't be able to get more until the beginning of the month. To make a long story short, 45 minutes later, I pulled into the driveway of the home they were staying in. A house much smaller than mine-that me and my husband share. I knocked on the door, and the mother opened. My sweet student came running to me and jumped in my arms. "MRS!! I've missed you SO much!!" The little siblings followed, yelling "MRS!!!!!" I hugged them all and then went out to the car to get the food with the mom. We brought in the groceries, but as we walked, I tried to encourage her. Asked her why they had been evicted, promised her I'd search for more resources our district has to help with housing, etc. and told her many times how much I care about her family. I didn't stay long. Gave them all a hug and told them I couldn't wait to see them on Monday. Then I got in my car and drove back to "my mansion".

*I've had kids with parents deported back to Mexico, families have been threatened to be evicted if they don't pay bills, kids so dirty and skinny that you can't imagine how they are eating and living at home, and many other needs. I won't go into details, but this week has been very hard on my heart.

Because of the above issues and needs, my goal every single minute of every single day is to make my classroom be the most enjoyable, welcoming, encouraging, FUN, safe place possible. I make sure it is clean, smells good, colorful, etc. I never ever yell at my kids-I challenge them and ride them hard to ensure that I get their best work, but I make sure to never embarass or belittle them. They get enough of that outside of school. This way, at least 8 hours of their day will be enjoyable. And you know what?! It's working-my kids don't want to leave on Friday. They love working on schoolwork so much that they go home and don't watch tv anymore. My kids are TAKING off in reading/writing because they are practicing all day at school and then go home to practice more. It is SO fun! I also see kids who came into my class a few months ago, looking like zombies--seemingly dead to the word--smiling, laughing, interacting with other kids, and cracking me up!!!

My newest child breaks my heart everyday. He is probably the neediest child I've ever met. At the risk of stereotyping, he looks like a thug shrunk down into a little boy. It's not hard to see what he will become if something/someone does not intervene! I met his mom for hte first time on Thursday, and she looks younger than my little sister. His attendance is horrible, but I've been hounding the mom (calling her every single day that he's gone) and finally things are getting a little better. He really is a sweet boy, and makes me laugh all the time, but doesn't really have a clue on social skills, academic skills, etc. We had a Science Assembly on Tuesday and ALL of the kids were laughing, smiling, and watching intently. They LOVED it. I looked over at this boy, and there was no emotion or expression on his face. He seemed dead to the world. After the assembly, my class was in line waiting to leave the cafeteria. I hugged my student tightly. When I let go, he looked up at me with the sweetest face and just smiled.

On Thursday afternoon, my class was in the Computer lab. I had worked my kids SO hard that day, with not much of a break, that I was letting them play on a reading website on any game they wanted to play. (I rarely let them choose their game, so they were SO excited!!) I was walking around the room, watching the kids learning, and I stopped on this little boy. He was listening to the book "The Gingerbread Man". He turned to me, smiled so big and in his gruff voice said "Mrs! This computer is READING a book to me! That fox is about to SNATCH up that little cookie!" I had to walk away laughing. I am starting to see that smile more everyday. He has started to sing with us at calendar time, knows many letters now and is figuring out how to write his name. It is hard to keep his attention...he sits RIGHT by my feet, but I know he is trying and I guarentee that in a few weeks it will be SO encouraging to see where he is!

*The rest of my class is ON it. Right now in writing, the kids are drawing stories--something that has happened to them. Then they label as many things in their picture as they can-they have to be sure to have a who, what, and where for their story and it has to be an exciting story. (Can't just be...I went to the park.) Even though these kids don't have very many opportunities, you should see the creative things they write about!! After they've labeled their story, they need to write a sentence that goes along with their story. Ex. "I made cookies with my mom". They are doing SO well. It is really hard to hop around and try to help all of the kids, last year I remember going crazy. But this class is so eager to do it right and to do it themselves, that I can plant myself at one table for quite awhile without worrying about the other kids. I always play classical music while they are working on writing. It has become one of their favorite parts of the day! On Tuesday, I was working with one of my students who was struggling with letters and sounds. I was getting annoyed that the other kids were making so much noise talking to each other, without looking up, I said "Friends. I need to see you working. No talking. Get to work." AFTER I said that, I looked up to see that I had been VERY wrong--the noise was not coming from talking. Each child was quietly sounding out words (saying them aloud, like I've taught them, in order to hear each sound) or re-reading their sentences to themselves to make sure it makes sense. They were so focused, I don't even think they heard my reminder to be quiet. A little embarassed, I got back to work with my student. :)

*I have started teaching the coins and their values in Calendar time. Last year I made up this DUMB song to remember their values, and I taught it again this year--the kids LOVE it. They sing it all the time. During art class, I hear them singing all of the little math songs I've taught them. It really is the cutest thing EVER.

*We have a little class mascot, a stuffed turtle named Frankie, who goes home with one of the kids every Friday. He has a journal and a little bag. The stuffed animal stays at the kids' house all weekend and on Sunday night, the parent writes in the journal to tell what they did that weekend with Frankie that weekend. On Monday morning, the student shares with the class. The kids ask questions, etc. It is HILARIOUS. I actually stole the idea from MY kinder teacher! I announce the new class jobs on Monday morning (and one of the jobs is who gets to take home Frankie). The kids remind me ALL week that it is THEIR turn to take Frankie home on Friday. Every night they ask me if it is Friday yet. :) Usually the parent writes in the journal and the kid draws a picture to share with the class about their weekend. On Monday morning, one of my girls walked in VERY proudly holding Frankie's bag very tightly. After I greeted her, she said, "Good Morning, Mrs. I'm ready to share about my weekend whenever you are". I told her that she could share after calendar time. When it came time to share, I asked her if she wanted to share anything about the weekend before I read from the journal. She looked at me very seriously and said, "Mrs. I can read it!" I passed her the journal and she opened up to her page--where SHE had written sentences about her weekend. Granted they were simple sentences, but still-it was obvious she had done it on her own. "I went to the park with F. I had fun. etc. At the end..."I love my teeter." (I love my teacher!) :) Can I just say--this little girl did not know ANY letters/numbers/colors at the beginning of the year?! She has been working SO hard that she now knows most of her sight words/letters/sounds and is able to write sentences very confidently. SOOOOO exciting!!!!

*When I first started teaching, several people warned me that it probably wasn't the best idea to send a stuffed animal home with the kids-that because I work in a high-need school, it wouldn't come back. I have to say, I am happily suprised EVERY week, when that little turtle comes back clean and cherished. He has NEVER come back late. That turtle is VERY highly regarded in my class! :)

*As I looked around my room on Thursday during centers, I saw kids SO sweetly "reading" to stuffed animals in the library center, kids quizzing each other on letters and sounds, kids playing beginning sound games, working on writing words, stamping out sight words, playing rhyming puzzles with each other--mostly I see kids smiling, interacting appropriately with each other and SO focused on their games. And I realize that my life is so blessed. I realize that I have the greatest job. And that I have the GREATEST kids.

*A lot of other people love my class as well-the lady at the Science Assembly told my class they were the best behaved, best listeners in the WHOLE school. The lunch lady told me that my kids are the greatest class in there. She said "Your class last year was so sweet, but if possible, I think this class is even BETTER!" I responded: They are BOTH sweet--I love the equally. Love seeing my 1st graders in the hallway. We are always equally excited to see each other. :)

My eyes are continuing to be opened. My heart is continually breaking. Some days it is really hard to have hope--these kids are so eager and so sweet, but they still have to get through 11 more years of school-they have SO much stacked up against them already and they are only 5. I can't imagine what will come in the next 12 years, BUT I know that there is hope--and maybe if they love school now, that will continue on. For now, my greatest goal is to provide the most encouraging environment possible in my classroom.

Lice, Tarzan & Popcorn

It has been so long since I posted. So much has happened, and it is another amazing year.

Year 2 has been WONDERFUL. I never thought I would love a class as much as my class last year, and I was wrong. This class is so sweet, so unique and so needy. They make me laugh everyday, and many times throughout the day, I look around at them and am so THANKFUL that I get to be their teacher...that I get to show them a better way of life.

*I have a hilarious new student. He is probably the funniest kid I've ever met. And not because he is trying to be. He is like a 17 year old baller shrunk down in a 5 year old. And he has a gruff voice. He has never been to school and started in October...VERY in need of structure. You should have seen him the 1st day...but with a few weeks of structure, he is doing much better. On his 3rd day in my class, I was hunched over him, helping him write his name, and he looked up at me very seriously and said "Hey-is you all THEY'S teacher too? (pointing to the other kids)." I said: "Yes..I am the teacher for all of you!" He looked at me very confused and said : "OH!" -He does require a lot of attention but not THAT much. :) As the other kids were filing into the bathroom, he stopped...tapped me and said "Hey-you think we can get some of them crackers again? Them was REAL good." :) And my favorite...during calendar "Hey...we needa hurry this up, I gotta get to church". Me-WHAT?! :) They keep me laughing for sure!

Parent/Teacher conferences were a wonderful/rough time. Parents start to realize they can trust you and tell you really hard things they are facing-I heard everything from parents deported back to Mexico, murders in the apartments, not having enough money to pay ultilities, etc. It is very heartbreaking, but they also told me these things that filled me with HOPE: When asked if their child likes school, these were the responses "Oh YES! She used to watch TV all the time, now she just wants to read and practice the worksheets she brings home and her sightword books." "All she does is try to teach her little brothers how to read". "She tells me EVERYTHING that happened at school-and sings all of the songs you guys sing in here". And my favorite "She loves learning so much, she erases all the work she does at school and does it again while she shows her little sisters". How can that not fill your heart with love for these sweet kids? They haven't had very many opportunities, but there is HOPE for their futures. One kid had to leave early, and this perfectly behaved BOY threw a FIT to have to leave before school was over. His mom seemed so embarassed, but I just smiled. That is AWESOME!

*I added some stuffed animals to my library center. I gave a big lecture on how they can NOT just play with them-they have to read to them. It is my FAVORITE thing to look over at the library center, to see my kids cuddled up with animals, pretending to read stories. I put a lot of my read alouds over in the library center, so I see them retelling the stories I've told. One hilarious little girl had the animals lined up and was reading to them like a teacher (I even heard her say-hey! Sit right-criss cross applesauce...Thank you!) :) Another girl was at the listening center part of the library center and had a stuffed bear sitting next to her-both with headphones on, her pointing to the book for the bear. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen!

*They are learning SO much--I am testing kids everyday on letters/#s/etc. for grades. While testing the numbers, I asked the kids to count for me as high as they could. They could all count to 39, but none could get above that--it took me about 5 kids to realize that it was the 39th day of school. We had only counted to 39 (I didn't go on, because most didn't know #1-10 so I didn't think they were ready to count to 100)....it made me realize that for the most part, what they know...I have taught. VERY humbling...but also means they're LEARNING something!!!! :) I was SHOCKED at how the kids had improved in 1 Quarter. Kids who had NO ideas of numbers/letters/colors/shapes/etc. Were now writing sentences, some kids had gone from knowing 0 letters to 30!! Some could now count, etc. I am so excited!

*I got tired of testing, so for about 5 minutes just looked around at my class. They were sweetly playing games at centers. At the front carpet, one of my hilarious girls was quizzing the other kids on their letters/sounds/characters like I do. She kept saying, "Come on girl! You GOT this! I KNOW you can do it! YOu are SO smart!" It is so funny to hear them talk like me.

*One of my moms from last year called me to ask if I could spend some time with her daughter...that she missed me a lot. (I miss her a lot too!) She was a family we were very involved with, for Christmas, etc. and her little brother is in my class this year (after me BEGGING the secretary!) ha. Anyway, my husband and I decided to take all 3 kids to Pizza Hut/the park/and a free children's museum. We picked the kids up from the apartments that I volunteered at this summer and as always, it broke my heart to see what these kids are living in. They came SCREAMING when they heard that I was there. In our car, they were all talking like CRAZY telling me everything that had happened in the weekend so far. As we drove, they talked about how they want to be teachers when they grow up and how they are so excited. We let them pick where they wanted to go, and they all screamed PIZZA HUT! The waitress fell in love with my sweet babies VERY quickly. As we asked them what they wanted to eat, they kept asking "Are you sure you have enough money?" I assured them that we had enough. The little girl said "I wish my mom was rich." I reminded her that money doesn't make you happy--friends/family/school are things that can make us truly happy....and my new little student said "Yea....but money doesn't make you sad!" We had so much fun eating and talking with them. We left Pizza Hut to hit the park. They were in HEAVEN and kept telling us how fun it was. This little girl who used to be scared of men (Because of an abusive past) was obsessed with Paul. We played and took pictures and laughed and were all having the time of our lives. After awhile we went across the street to a free children's museum. The kids can dress up like doctors, there is a little farm, a grocery store, a stage to perform., etc. it is SO fun! The kids were hilarious. There was a little place where you could make jewelry (and my girl is a diva!) so while the boys played "golf", us girls made bracelets. While we talked, she put her hand on my leg and said "I wish you were my mom". I looked at her and said..no you don't! You would miss your mom a lot. I love you and love seeing you at school, but your momma is a good mom and loves you a lot! She said..."Yea. I wish I was a teacher like you. I wish I was white. I wish I could live with you." I went on to tell her all of the things I loved about her--and how beautiful she was-inside and out.

We finished the afternoon playing on the stage-the little girl danced ballet for us and the boys did a ninja show. They were sad to go home, but were excited to get to take some pizza home. "But Mrs...all the other kids are gonna BEG us for some. They're hungry too. They're ALWAYS begging for our food". We dropped them off and both my husband and I said that was the highlight of our month.

I can't take the kids out very often, because I know so many kids who live up there, it's not fair. I've gone to visit the Center once after school and I'm going again tomorrow...but I love those kids. I wish I could make their lives more comfortable. Sometimes I go by their bus line and hug every single kid. Even the 5th graders want hugs. I have only a tiny glimpse of what their lives are like, and it breaks my heart. But there is SO MUCH HOPE.

A few weeks later, after dropping my kids off at lunch recess, a 1st grade teacher grabbed me in the hall, and told me my little girl had something to show me. She ran into the room to get her writing project. It was a book about our trip to pizza hut and how much fun she had. I cried as I read the sweet memory with the cutest pictures. Her teacher made me a copy to take home. I hugged my baby and told her thank you for writing it. My husband has been so stressed this week studying for a huge MEd School test, but when I showed him that--it put perspective on life. :)

*Apple day was last week-we had SO much fun making applesauce, cutting apples, and trying every kind of apple snack possible. The kids were hilarious and so fun. I love doing special activities with them. They are SO thankful.

This Friday I read a book called Popcorn Dragon at the end of the day to teach Using your senses while reading....while we read, I made popcorn in the microwave (they couldn't see). But when we started to smell & hear popcorn, you should have SEEN their faces. I was laughing so hard. They scarfed down 4 bags of popcorn before I cut them off. They are so hungry! :(

*"Mrs...I wish I could live at your house". Me-no you don't, It's not that fun. Student-"Do you have toys?" Me-Yes, I have a few. Student-"I bet it's PRETTY fun! :)

*We had med students from a local school come to our school to give our kids free dental/eye/hearing/physical exams. It is an AMAZING ministry, but a crazy day! One med student came up to me with my student and told me the student had lice. He had the real doctor check too and it was definitely lice. My whole body froze and I almost hurled ( I am TERRIFIED of lice!!!!-my whole head started to itch!). I thanked the student, took my student to the nurse, and the nurse confirmed that it was lice. I thought about how their backpacks all hang together, how we sit so close to each other on the carpet, how they share headphones, how I touch their heads and hug them all the time. My head would not stop itching. I took my kids to recess and then to the computer lab. An ESL aid came in to ask if I needed help with anything. I asked her if she could watch my class and ran to the nurse, begged her to check my head for lice. She said "I've never ever seen a teacher get lice from a kid" and I responded "I don't want to be the first!!!" She checked and said I was clear. I asked if she was sure. She was. I was so freaked...I needed to sanitize the whole room. AH! About 30 minutes later, the students' mom came to school to get her. She brought her to my classroom and explained to me that it was NOT headlice, but dried hair gel. She buys the cheap stuff and it leaves white specks in the hair. She said the nurse and doctor checked again and verifiied that it was just gel. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? When I got home, I told my husband that he BETTER learn the difference between hair gel and head lice. Ridiculous, but THANK GOD!! :)

*I have been listening to a mix on Pandora of all my stations when I run in the morning. I have a kids Disney station on my Pandora for when my kids are eating a snack/packing up/etc. This song came on and I started to cry so much. It is the PERFECT lyrics for how we feel for Foster Care. It might seem weird, but check it out!!!  Tarzan's You'll be in my Heart!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=git6DCXSqjE

I wish I could say all of the other things that crack me up all week long, but this post is already so long. I am learning that these kids don't have much, but they give me SO much. They are the sweetest kids to each other, they are so sweet to me, they give my life meaning. My husband loves them too. We both can't imagine life without my sweet kids.

We got our Foster Care license. We had 1 call, and got everything SO ready--but haven't had a call since. I have sub plans ready, the week at school planned out, my house is clean, the child's room is ready, we have lots of food in the fridge....but it is so stressful to live ALWAYS ready. It could be any time and any age. It is really teaching me to trust the Lord. I know He has a perfect plan, but I just know SO many kids are out there abused, hungry, neglected...not getting calls doesn't mean the abuse isn't happening, it just means people aren't getting caught! :( I am ready to be a Foster mom-I'm ready to love a child and give up my time and life. We are so busy, but we are also so broken for these sweet kids, and I know it's right...I'm just trying to have faith as we wait. It's making me a little bit crazy.

This scripture made me weep the other morning as I looked at the class pictures of this year & last year taped to my treadmill- "Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are MORE than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, neither angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord". Romans 8
AMEN!

Clowns LIKE it when you laugh!

We're BAAAACK. Back to waking up early, back to eating frozen meals & back to hilarious & some heartbreaking stories of kids we adore...and you know what?! It is WONDERFUL!!!!

School started last Friday and it has been a great, crazy, busy, wonderful week. Last week at "Meet Your Teacher" night, as I met these new kids and new families, I was having a lot of trouble believing that I could love another class like I did last year. My old students came running up to me in the hallway, telling me all about their summers and giving me big hugs. 

Friday was the first day of school and I was terrified. What if I forgot how to teach kids how to hold pencils? What if I forgot how to teach them how to line up?! Once the kids came in, it all came back. I had a great day of herding sheep and reminding kiddos to "put bubbles in their mouths" and not shout out at the carpet. Not a single one knew how to write their names, and very few knew any letters or numbers or colors. Many did not know how to speak English. At recess that afternoon, the 1st grade classes were outside as well. My old students swarmed me telling me all about what they had done that day and wanted me to be proud that they were behaving so well. I hugged them all and told them I missed them. One said: "Mrs...I wish you were my teacher again!!" I didn't tell her, but as I walked them walk perfectly in a line as I had taught them, I almost wanted them back! :) The 1st grade teachers told me they wanted to take us out for steak dinner, because the 1st graders coming in that year were SO well behaved and were reading and writing SO well. 

Keep in mind that when my class left me for summer last year, they were reading, writing books, counting to 100 and adding & subtracting. It was a MAJOR shock to remember the beginning. I was exhausted after day 1 and wasn't sure if I wanted to go back on Monday.

Friday night, my husband and I went up to the apartments where I volunteered this summer for their "Back to School Night". I spent a few hours hugging kids & asking about their first day of school. One of my students brought her little sister up to me...she was dirty and looked very sad. She was about 3 years old. I asked her if I could pick her up, and not even waiting for a response, held her in my arms. For the next 30 minutes, this beautiful child clung to me. After a few minutes, she laid her head on my shoulder and we cuddled for the rest of my time there. I saw kids who started 6th grade that day and others who just started Kinder. It was SO fun to check in with them!!!

Monday, when I went back, my heart began to soften. Already, the kids were starting to fall into my routines. They were raising their hands, giving me hugs, and acting so sweetly with each other. As we came into the classroom after a bathroom break....one of my students pointed to his bubble in his mouth and said "Mmmmm...mmm...mmmm." I responded: What? He said: "Can I PLEASE take this bubble out?!" I laughed as I realized he had it in his mouth for over 20 minutes in hopes to behave perfectly. :)

As the week went on, the kids became less quiet and I started to see their true personalities coming out. I have several boys who are perfect angels, several that will demand a lot of attention and time. One student is so spacy that I had to put a timer by his spot, telling him that he needed to be done with tracing and counting the numbers when that bell went off or that he would not go to centers. Amazingly, his work was done BEFORE the timer, and he was proud as he smiled and showed me the paper. 

I see my kids, of all ages,  from this summer light up when they see me in the hallway, and give me a big hug or a huge grin. It is so sweet. 

I have several girls in my class who have my FAVORITE personality: Little Miss THANG! :) One of my girls came up to me when she walked into my classroom (after getting in trouble the day before for hitting another boy at recess) and said: "Mrs...I needa talk with you when you get a chance. I just wanted to tell you that I won't ever hit nobody again. If someone's messin with me--I'll tell you."

Me-That sounds like a good choice, I'm proud of you! And I'll talk to that boy at recess today.

Student-You don't needa. I prayed for him last night, and it's all gonna be ok. I PRAYED for him. :)

*I have been doing several lessons about how it doesn't matter what we look like on the outside, but what matters is what is on the INSIDE. That we should NEVEr point and laugh at another person because they look different than us.

Student (after thinking it over for a second)-Yeah, Mrs. That's REAL mean. But you can laugh at clowns. Clowns look different but they LIKE it when you laugh!! :)

*This Friday is much different than last Friday. Kids are raising their hands, rotating to centers silently when the bell rings, almost all can write their names, we have learned several letters and their sounds, and are able to count objects up to 7. (and can write most of those numbers). I am so proud. I am attached. I still LOVE seeing my old class in the hallway, and I still talk to their parents outside and check in on how things are at home, I will always love them and help them in any way I can, but the Lord is allowing me to open my heart up to 19 more kids and families. They have a lot of needs. Some educationally, some financially, some socially. Some all 3. It is going to be a GREAT year.

I love my job. I love seeing families at WalMart. I love that my husband listens with such interest every night as I tell about everything that happened that day. I love that by the time Sunday comes around, i am ready to get back to school to see how my babies are doing. I love that they have already made SO much progress in 6 days. 

The Lord has really blessed me this week with Divine energy. My prayer ALL summer was that I would somehow have incredible amounts of energy in order to do foster care and give 100% at school. Last year in August, I was leaving school around 6 or 7pm. I was EXHAUSTED when I got home and I would almost always bring stuff home to work on. 

This week I was able to have EVERYTHING ready for the next day, feel really confident about my lessons/activities and leave school by 5 or 5:30. This week, my husband and I played tennis, made dinner, went to the grocery store, went on walks, etc. in the evenings and I felt GREAT. I am so thankful. The Lord has heard my prayer. 

We are moving forward with foster care. We have ONE more walk through of our house to make sure everything is ready for the State to give us our license. (LOTS of rules about cleaning supplies locked up, outlet covers, etc.) Once our background check goes through (should take about 4 weeks) we will start getting calls. We could have a child in our house NEXT month!!! It is crazy and scary and exciting. There is SO much need--I can't wait to bring a child who has so little into our home and surround them with love, stability, food, a BED, and family. It will be wonderful and demanding and will change everything. And because of the Lord and the comfort He has given me, I believe we are ready. 

The Lord is good. There will be so much need this year. My heart will break. Kids will tell me they don't have food. Kids will tell me horrific things that happen at home. But I will do what I can and will trust in the Lord for the rest. 

Ready for week 2! :)

:)

You do NOT have to be that!!!

*Today was the last day of volunteering. School starts in a few weeks, and I've already been in my classroom a ton getting things ready. My husband keeps making fun of me for how much I am doing now, but thinking back to August and the 14 hour days makes me want to work a lot now. I am changing a lot about the set-up of my classroom and I feel like this is going to be a GREAT year.

-I realized that today I needed to let go of my students and be ready to pass them on to 1st grade. Today was great and so hard. For so many reasons..I don't know how to process. I come home and RUN as hard as I can on my treadmill-and I listen to "Lecrae" pandora and I cry and I vent to my husband. ..I'll try to keep it short-

*The morning started off with kids eating muffins & playing board games. I played Candyland several times with a few girls and then played "Scrabble" (aka see what words you can find) with a sweet boy. He was sounding letters out and having so much fun. While we were doing that, one of my lowest girls was at the same table with a crayon and paper asking me to challenge her. "Gimme somethin to write, Mrs!!" I'd give her a word (shop) and she'd sound it out, write it down and run over to show me. We'd do a little celebration dance everytime she got it right. I was so encouraged to see what she remembered.

*I noticed one of my boys wasn't there and asked another kid where he was....They told me he was outside on the porch. I went outside and found him bent down. I asked him if he was excited to go swimmin and he said: "I can't go".
Me-Why?
Him-I didn't have no time to clean my face. (He had gunk on his face from sleeping).
Me-Oh, let's go inside and wash it off.
Him-NO!! They'll laugh at me.
I eventually talked him into coming in as I covered his face and rushed him to the bathroom. We were both laughing when we got there. But it was also a little sad--he is too young to be caring what other kids think.

*As we piled into the van, I was talking to my little girls about what they want to be when they grow up. One said: I wanna be a doctor like Mr. (my husband). How's he doin?! :) lol
Another said: "I wanna be a teacher". Me-Why? Student-I wanna be a teacher so I can teach kids to read and give them food in they backpacks, just like YOU do. --Love their dreams.

*We went SWIMMING. My kids who didn't know how to swim/blow bubbles/put their heads under water/float, etc. 4 weeks ago, were SWIMMING today. I'm talking REAL swimming-blowing bubbles, using their arms, kicking....most of them could get across the pool. Kids of ALL ages shouted for hours: "Mrs!! LOOOK!!!" I took videos to show my husband just so he knows I am not exaggerating!! I seriously do not think I have smiled that much or that big since my wedding. It was hours of pure joy and pride. Kids that usually act like they are 16 were acting more like 6 :). I played basketball with the big kids & practiced swimming and floating with all of the little ones.

*After we ate lunch, the kids were lined up on the wall. The big kids were a little out of control. I told one boy to get on the wall and he started to pretend to line up for a mug shot. Another kid laughed. I looked at the kid seriously and said: "You don't have to be that. It's not even funny. I know you know a lot of men who are in jail and do bad things, but that's not you. You are a good kid and can play basketball in college someday. I don't even want you to PLAY like that, because it's not you! You're a GOOD kid!" Strangely neither of them laughed. They both looked at me very seriously, nodded and stood nicely in line.

*Another girl started calling another the "N" word. All of the kids looked at me to see how I would react. I looked at her sadly and said: I am just SO sad you said that. I'm SO sad you talk like that. We just had the BEST day swimming (just 30 minutes before she was acting like a little girl with so much pride as I taught her to float) and you're trying to ruin it with such mean words. I think you should go stand by that wall over there, because I am just SO sad you are talking like that. I don't have anything else to say". She walked over and a few minutes later came back and said, "Mrs..I'm sorry. I will talk nice."

Later we were in the van. The leader was so mad at the big kids for acting crazy that everyone had to ride in silence. I usually sit cuddled up with my little kids, but today I sat in the very back of the van between 3 big boys. We sat silently for awhile, and then I spoke softly to them: "It really made me sad how you guys were talking out there, and do you want to know why? (Their faces were SO tough). I pointed to my little students in the van..."Those little ears are listening. They are looking up to you. They want to BE like you. And they heard you guys say those things."
Student-It don't matter. They MOMMAS say those things. THEY say those things. EVERYONE around here talks like that  and does bad stuff.
Me-EXACLTY why YOU should be different. They need SOMEONE to look up to. You don't HAVE to be like that. You are a role model for them. A lot of men at your apartments make bad choices. A lot are in jail, a lot have guns and fight and talk nasty to women. But you don't have to be that. You can go to college-you are not going to go to jail. These are my students. I love ALL of you so much. I care about everyone in this van. Will you PLEASE promise me that you'll try to be a good role model for them!?
I looked at the boys and noticed tears coming down their cheeks. They both nodded. I patted their legs and said "You are good boys. I know you're going to do great things." They wiped their tears and we rode back to school in silence. When we got back, I told them I'd be around the center this fall to check in on them. (They are middle schoolers).
I hugged all of my students and ALL of the kids who aren't my students. I told them all that I loved them and that I'd see them in a few weeks at school. Studnet-Can we PLEASE have one more day of center?! PLEASE?!
Another student-Can we PLEASE come to school tomorrow?!
I promised them that I would be working at school and told them all to stop in and see me. And even though I spoke with so much hope today-I am filled with so much despair. I believe every word I said to those boys today, but they need to be hearing that EVERY single day. They need someone to have hope for them. Yesterday as I was leaving the center, for the first time EVER up there, some men said some nasty things to me. They were trying to hit on me and I wanted to respond "I will be your child's TEACHER" but I didn't. I smiled and walked away. It doesn't usually bother me when men are gross-but thinking that some of THESE boys could be THOSE men someday terrifies me. We have to do EVERYTHING we can to give those kids their childhood back. They've grown up too fast and seen WAY too much.
A couple of my students were huddled around me telling me: "Mrs., there are a LOT of guns up here. People are dyin. One baby got shot in the foot. Hopefully it'll be ok." But then they all said: "But we know-we promised you we'll NEVER play with guns. We'll tell our momma if people are doin bad stuff."
Me-That's right. You are GOOD kids and you are going to be doctors and teachers and ballerinas someday. I am SO proud of you.

:)

How did you FIND us?!

Before I go on my 10 mile run to try to process yesterday, I am going to write a short blog. I always say that my eyes are being opened, and I pray that the Lord continues to do that for the rest of my life. Yesterday, my eyes were not only opened even more, but my heart was shattered. Some days, it is so hard to have hope.

*Last night on the way to Foster Care class, Jars of Clay song: "Take My Life Apart" came on--My husband and I used to listen to this song constantly in high school/middle school. We were screaming the lyrics as we drove through our city--and it became clear: He HAS! After the song was over, I began to think about how I believe the Lord has placed us EXACTLY where we are supposed to be. We sang that song/prayed that prayer YEARS ago, but the Lord heard us and is continuing to hear us!!

*I'll start with Monday at the center, because it's perhaps on of the most beautiful days I've ever experienced. Hardly any kids showed up on Monday morning. It was really odd, because they're usually waiting at the door when we get there. We ate breakfast and did the craft as usual, and then went outside to garden/ride bikes. As we were working in the garden, I saw one of my students who isn't part of the program come sprinting toward me. She jumped into my arms and because there were so few kids at the garden and several volunteers, I sat down with her in the grass and we talked for 30 minutes. Every few minutes, she would jump into my arms again for a hug and say: "I've missed you SO much!" or "I want YOU to be my teacher again!!" We went on to biking, and my student came with us...by this time, I had a little trail of about 5 preschool aged kids following, too.

The smallest bike broke a few minutes in, so the younger kids had nothing to do. I asked them if I could go get some books and read to them. Their eyes lit up and they jumped up and down and screamed: "YES!!!" I read stories to them in the grass and they huddled around me. Only my student had ever been to school, so I started teaching them about letters/rhyming/background knowledge. It was so fun to see how they hung on my every word. And it wasn't long until we had a small crowd of kids of all ages sitting around listening to me read: "Green Eggs and Ham". My student told the story of how I made green eggs & ham for their class this year and that it "wasn't too nasty". :) As I was cuddling with the kids and reading to them, I looked around the apartment complex. We were sitting in the field in the center of hundreds of aparments. My kids tell me stories of how "we hafta run REAL fast when the guns shoot outside. Don't worry, Mrs. We're REAL fast--they never get us!" The parents have told me about several murders recently. It is not a safe place to play. Yet, just for today...that field became a safe place to listen and learn. It was so touching.

*When it was time for lunch, all of the preschoolers told me they were SO hungry. I got a little worried, because our center is only for school-aged children. I couldn't find the guy in charge of the Center...so I just let them follow me in to lunch. (Would YOU be able to shut the door on hungry kids:?!?!?) :) When the leader came in to serve lunch, his eyes got big when he saw my table of kids. (Earlier that morning, for breakfast, I only had 1 kid there...now there were 7 kids at my table).The other tables were full too. We actually ended up having extra lunches, so I went outside to call in other kids. They came pouring out of their aparments. The lunchroom was much quieter than usual. The kids were so hungry and so thankful. Because most of our kids didn't come to center that day, we were able to invite in anyone else. It made me think of the Biblical parable about throwing the feast--if the ones you invite do not come, go out into the streets. As I looked around the room full of hungry kids, tears filled my eyes. I felt somewhat overwhelmed. At school, I am able to notice who is hungry in my class, sneak food/clothes into their backpacks to take home. Although I know this doesn't solve their problem...it gives them something to eat THAT night...at this Center the problem is OVERWHELMING. I realized that I can't give one family food--because I now know almost EVERY family there, and they are hungry too!! I left that morning feeling overwhelmed, but so grateful that we got to spend time with those kids!!! (Sidenote: I had been begging the leader of the center to make room for my sweet student who sprints across the grass EVERY day I'm there to see me-and once he met her at lunch--he DID! She's part of programming now!) :)

*On Tuesdays we go on a field trip. This week we went to the pool/gym to play games. We started out in the gym and had SO much fun. I played soccer with a bunch of boys/jumprope/tag...for a moment, these older kids were KIDS. They didn't have to watch their siblings or worry about the problems of life, but could just hang out and play games. We were all laughing and cheering and having so much fun.

Then we went down to the pool. I knew from last time that most of the kids don't know how to swim. I thought some of my new students would be scared to get in the water. I was VERY wrong. They stripped off their shoes and shorts and jumped right into the water. They didn't get out until it was time to go. :) We played shark and splash games. The joy in my little girls' faces was unreal. SO. MUCH. FUN! Some of the older girls started asking me to teach them how to swim. We started with some kicking drills and then I started teaching them how to float on their backs.
-I was holding these girls who have experienced SO much. At the ages of 8-10, most have had a drug experience, some are sexually active, and all of them seem resistant of love. As I held their backs, telling them to lay their head back, stick their bellies up, and keep their legs straight, I also kept saying: You're safe with me. Relax. I'm not going to drop you. I won't let anything happen to you. You're safe with me.
-It was incredible to see them...after a few minutes....begin to relax and smile up at me. I couldn't spend long with each girl, because there was a long line of girls wanting to learn how to float..and my back was hurting from holding these girls as big as me. :)
-For the rest of the time in the pool, the "big" girls were yelling at me to watch them "swim" as they tried so hard to kick and use their arms to get across the pool. It was hilarious and cute and so sweet. And EXACTLY the type of thing they should be doing at their age. Being a KID!

*We ate lunch together and then drove back to the center. As we were driving, the leader of the Center wouldn't turn on the "nasty" radio station that the kids wanted to listen to. One of the older girls said: "Ok...can we have the God music then?" The leader looked at me with SHOCK. I smiled and said: "She wants to listen to KLove. :) We drove back to the Center listening to KLove.
2 of my students, who I have been very involved with (Christmas presents/lots of food/home visits/etc.) had not come to center for 2 weeks. All of the kids said they were at their dads' house--which worried me, because I know some TERRIBLE things that dad has done to those kids...I decided to go over to the moms' aparment to check in to see if there was something I could do or if she needed to talk.

*Until you have seen these apartments, words can not describe them. I will do my best. I walked into a dark room filled with about 5 kids running around and a few adults. Hardly any furniture-most of which is broken. The most HORRIFIC music you can imagine was blaring. I met all of the adults and kids and talked to several who will be in Kinder next year (sure wish I could recruit my own class--SO cute!!!). I gave my students' mom a big hug and asked about the kids. She told me that they were at their dad's house and she wondered if I could go with her to pick them up. She doesn't have a car, and so of course I said yes.

As I stood in their apartment talking to the other adults while she put her shoes on, I thought about how hard it must be to grow up in this environment. I can't imagine trying to protect your kids from drugs/sex/guns when they are EVERYWHERE in music, REALITY, tv, etc. I started to wonder if there is hope for these sweet kids to come out of these situations with a different future.

We drove to the dad's apartments as their mother and I caught up. We talked about how much I love her kids, if they are safe at their dads, and she told me about a lot of terrible activities going on in the apartment complex...she is doing her best to protect her kids from these things. She is especially worried about her daughter--probably the most BEAUTIFUL girl in my class last year. The mother told me that most girls start to have sex at age 9 around there. (That is a 3rd GRADER!) And that she is trying to be so careful to protect her. I gave her suggestions about keeping music cleaner, monitoring what she watches on TV and making sure she can't run free with other kids during the day. Also to talk to her daughter about it. You'd think it would be too early to talk to a 1st grader about sex, but unfortunately it is not. She promised she would do those things. My heart continued to break. My poor baby. Do you remember what YOU worried about at age 6?!?!? Most likely, NOT that!

*We pulled up to the apartment building, and I noticed the mother get very tense. I know she does not have a good relationship with the dad, and the courts force her to send her kids here. I asked her if she wanted me to go get the kids. She said yes. As I walked up to the door, I knew my husband and mom probably wouldn't be too happy at what I was doing, but I had to get these kids out of this apartment. I knew I was safe. I knocked on the door and heard lots of kids inside (the mom told me dad has 8 kids total living in his apartment). No one answered. Finally, a gruff man yelled: Who is it?! I answered: "It's Mrs. I'm "Bob" &"Tina's" teacher here to pick them up. The door opened and the kids poured out. They gave me big hugs and said: "MRS! How did you FIND us?!" The dad got their stuff and handed it to me. I said thank you and left. They ran to the car to see their mom. I noticed immediately that my little girl student was very tense. That wasn't her normal way--at least not in my classroom or at center.

As we drove back to their aparments, they were asking about EVERYTHING that had happened in the last 2 weeks at the apartments. They had been safe at their dads, and even got new shoes, but they wanted to go HOME. We talked and laughed. When we got back to the Center, before they got out of the car, they said: "Thank you, Mrs. for bringing us back HOME". I hugged them all and told them I'd see them next week at center. They ran off to find their friends who they hadn't seen in 2 weeks.

*I got back in my car and drove back to my quiet, calm, clean mansion. Tears filled my eyes as I drove. After yesterday, it is so hard to have hope. I expect these kids to sit still at school and learn how to read. The more I get glimpses into their homes, the more I realize how DIFFICULT that is for some of them. Most of them.

Today I am left with a sick feeling. It makes it hurt so much more when you love these kids as your own. I get on facebook or listen to people talk about how "We have to take care of our own" or "People work hard for what they have--we're not going to pay for you to go to the doctor" or "They could make better choices" and I want to scream back: GO MEET one of these kids and then tell me how you feel. YOU grow up in that apartment and come out successful, a college grad with a steady job. DId YOU have people pressuring you for drugs when you were 9?! Did you know about sex when you were 5?! We did NOT earn what we have. We have GOT to take care of each other. We have drawn these stupid social lines and we REFUSE to cross. We refuse to see what life is like on the other side. There is a LOT of beauty, a LOT that they could teach us, but also a LOT of pain due to poverty, lack of education--we NEED each other.

*One of my babies told me how she went to church. "I go to church now, Mrs. JUST like YOU!" :) A bus comes to the aparment complex and loads up with kids to take them to a local church. God bless that church!

I am going to go on a very long run today. I'm going to run as far as I can-- to pray for change. Pray for our city and for all social classes. I am going to run in the mansion neighborhood, just 2 miles from where I was yesterday.

I am the candy KING!

This week has been incredible. We had our first home visit for Foster Care, and most of my worries were put to rest. She was very impressed with our house and told us we were one of the most capable young couples she's ever known and is confident we will do well. It was very reassuring and we were able to ask her a lot of questions. I bought some things for my classroom at garage sales, we spent a lot of time at the pool, we are reading a TON about child abuse & proper ways to parent child with extreme trauma. We had several simple date nights of going on walks, grilling, swimming, going out for ice cream cones and just enjoying time together. So good to have energy and time to do SIMPLE, fun things together.

*On Sunday at church, I was writing in my journal -- I wrote that I was starting to be worried about being able to buy/find all of the things we need to get a room set up. We have decided to license for a 3-8 year old...and we don't know what gender/age/race we'll get. It's hard to prepare toys/clothes/bed/room for a 3 year old boy or an 8 year old girl. Kind of a large range. I feel confident that God has a specific child that is supposed to be in our home....but I get nervous preparing it all. It is amazing how the Lord is already providing things we need for the child through wonderful friends and family. It gives me confidence that He will provide the energy, etc. that we need as well!! :)
One thing that gives me MAJOR confidence about our ability to do Foster Care is working at the Center. My interactions and affection for these kids, helps me to see that in some ways Foster Care will be easy because it is EASY to love a kid who needs it so desperately. To be able to feed, clothe, talk to, LISTEN to, give experiences to a child who has so little and who has been treated so unfairly, will be incredible. I know it will be hard, but it is also very hard to see all of this and not act. I can't wait--
*I went back to volunteer this week and it was even better than last week. As I walked up to the building on Monday, kids were pouring out of their apartments and sprinting with HUGE smiles towards the center. I was greeted with smiles, hugs and stories of the weekend.

Yesterday we spent the day eating breakfast, making a fun craft-they were so cute and careful as they made the picture frame-constantly looking for affirmation from me, and then we got to go outside to pull veggies out of the community garden and ride bikes.

Most of the kiddos didn't know how to ride bikes, but it didn't stop them from trying. I spent the hour (in 100 degree weather!!) running with kids as I held the back of their seat. They were SO cute as they tried and cheered each other on. One of my girls who was in my class last year was starting to get it--so I told her I was going to let go. She confidently yelled "Ok, Mrs! DO IT!" And she went off. I was jumping up and down screaming her name--SO proud. UNTIL I realized that I didn't teach her how to pedal backwards to brake--I went chasing after her as she pulled into a big patch of grass. We both starting laughing uncontrollably. We had so much fun. I remember my dad teaching me how to ride a bike...having a bike all through my childhood. Although these kids don't have a bike and most don't have a dad to teach them....others are stepping up to teach them and they still get the great experience.

You have to realize that at this complex, the younger kids kind of wander around. When we are outside doing an activity, kids of all ages come out. Before it was time to go inside, one of the preschoolers came up to me and said very sadly, "Mrs...we ain't got no food at home. I'm SO hungry. We ain't got no food at my house." This is a family I've worked with a lot last year--his sister was in my class....but what do you say to that!? I thought for a second and hugged him before saying: "I'm so sorry--food is important and I bet your belly is hungry. Let's go inside and I'll get you some food." He ate every bit.

*We went back inside for lunch and the kids were ravenous as we gave them their food. On most kids' trays, every single crumb was gone. Although it's so good that they are fed by the center, it is so sad at how hungry they are. Nothing breaks my heart more than hungry kids.

At the pool last week, one of the 5th grade girls told me all about how much she's been reading this summer...that she already filled up the "summer reading log" from school. Because I student taught 5th grade, I have a lot of chapter books of that level. Yesterday after lunch, I let her choose one of the books. She eagerly chose and I told her once she's done reading it--if she can tell me about it (if she REALLY reads it) I'll let her keep it and come choose another. Today she told me that she's already on chapter 6. :)

After lunch, I hugged all of the kids and told them I'd see them tomorrow. One older kid said "You sure do love your students, huh?!" My response: "You know what? I love ALL of the students here. I really do." She smiled and gave me a big hug.

*Today was one of the best days I've had in a LONG time! The kids came pouring in this morning and ate their breakfast. We then got some games out--I taught 5 sweet kinder kids how to play Candyland. We played for a long time and laughed so much...they cheered for each other when something good happened. "I WON!! I'm with the candy KING...you guys can call me KING...come on-hurry up and get to the castle cuz you can hang out with me and the candy KING!!" :) The most hilarious part is that they were counting the cards they drew--"I have 13!!" "I have 13 too!" haha--not really the point...
*Then they wanted to play Yahtzee...I knew they couldn't play the real way, so I turned it into a math game--they rolled the dice and then had to count the dots on the dice and tell me how to write the number. Ex-23...A 2 and a 3. If they did it right, they got a yellow coin. They cherished those coins. "This game is SO fun--we're SO smart, huh Mrs!?"

Then we got to go mini-golfing and bowling. As the van pulled up the building, all of the kids stayed close to me. They had never done anything like it before and were a little scared. We had SO much fun as they went around mini-golfing. We started laughing as we realized the "green" was shaped like different letters-"That's a lower case, n!" "This one's a lower case r, huh Mrs!"
"I want to do this FOREVER!" I was cheering for them and suddenly I realized that they had started cheering on themselves and their ball--"Come on, girly--you can DO IT!! GET IN THAT HOLE!!" It was hilarious.

The golf course had little statues of animals. Frogs, fish, and one was an alligator. One of my girls' balls went down by the alligator and she immediately grabbed my arm in fear. Another one asked with HUGE eyes: "Is it DEAD?!" I finally convinced her it was fake. :)

*Then we went inside for bowling. I was in a lane with all of the future 1st graders. I taught each one how to do it and then we all sat down in a row on the floor as we cheered for each person. They had so much fun keeping track of whose turn it was, giving high fives, checking their score. They also took turns sitting on my lap. In school I hugged the kids a lot, but they never sat in my lap, etc. It's fun to show them a little more nurturing this summer. When it was my turn to bowl, my little posse was cheering. It really was one of the best hours of my summer. We were giggling, cuddling, and cheering for each other. So fun.

We took a bathroom break in the middle of our game, and when we came back out, one of the boys' pants were falling down. He asked me to help him button his pants and I noticed that his underwear were in shreds. All of the kids are pretty stinky and have tattered clothes...but it just hit me hard. This sweet boy (who is one of the ones who made me want to do Foster Care) has shoes that don't fit, without shoe strings, tattered clothes and even shredded underwear. So sad to see a kid you love so much have so little.

After lunch, on the way back to center, that same little boy saved me a seat in the van. He leaned on my shoulder as we drove back to the center. I put my arm around him and he scooted towards me. What I wouldn't give to be able to take him home and shower him with love and time together. He was considered one of the worst behavior kids at my school last year in Kinder and he has transformed this summer with just a small amount of time and love.

The driver of the van turned on the radio as we drove back. The kids sang along to popular songs--they knew every word. Then he turned it to the Christian station--KLove. All of the kids stopped singing and one 1st grader said: "Uh, Mr...this is WHITE people music. We don't know this." I looked out the window and started to laugh. Next time we need to listen to some LECRAE! :)

"Let's pack a suitcase for a place we have to BELIEVE to see."--Let's have hope that this world will change. Get packing--a future of hope is ahead!!

:)

I'm just SO glad you're here!

*I didn't think I would blog this summer, but because of the INCREDIBLE few weeks I've had, it's time to blog. The Lord has been so good to me this summer-I've had time to clean/organize/relax/do crafty stuff off of Pinterest/visit family/work on stuff for school/hang with friends/spend SO much QT with my husband and read a lot.

*My husband is working at a child abuse & neglect clinic this summer. It has been so hard to watch him process & deal with the terrible things he is seeing. But I am also so proud of the man I married. Last week as I was writing in my prayer journal, I teared up thinking back to college when I spouted out what I was going to do with my life and how I was going to change the world. I wanted to teach in an innercity school and help families. Looking back, I had NO idea what my life would look like today.  My life is SO full because the Lord has called us to give it away. I had an amazing year with my students, got very involved with families, my husband has volunteered at a free clinic, jumped on board with my students and now is giving his summer away to children who are abused & neglected in our city. I am so blessed to have him as my best friend.

*We started our Foster Care classes. We go back and forth between absolute terror and feeling like we GOT this. I made a bunch of stuff off of Pinterest and we have started to set up the potential child's bedroom. I borrowed a bunch of toys from my parents and will pull some books from my classroom. I used a gift card I received through working out a lot to buy curtains and a rug. It just might happen.
But we've also been reading books: "The Boy Called It" (made me almost throw up as I read the TERRIBLE abuse),  "The Lost Boy", "Please Somebody Love Me" and now I'm reading "Building the Bonds of Attachment". The books have opened my eyes to the reality of how hard this might be. But I'm also encouraged that people are stepping up and speaking out for these children. It makes me wonder if I missed signs of abuse/neglect in my classroom....if I could have done more.

*In my husband's clinic and in the books, school is spoken of as a safe haven--where you get food, safety, love, education, friends, etc. They said the summer is a "down time" for the clinic because teachers are not reporting abuse--even though it is STILL happening. It makes me very thankful for the job I have, but also scared for kids this summer. What are they doing? Are they eating? Are they safe? Are they practicing ANYTHING we learned this year?. I can be an advocate for kids who have no voice. I feel so blessed that God trusts me with those kids.

*There are many reasons we want to do foster care, but the main reasons are the SWEET, neglected kids I met all year. I would come home from school with the most terrible stories and didn't know how to process. All I knew, is that if these kids had a mother figure who loved them-didn't hit them-fed them and interacted with them appropriately...they would THRIVE. I went through my year feeling like that, but then one day there were 4 situations with 4 different kids who affirmed for my husband AND I that we had to become foster parents. ALL of those 4 kids are in my group at the center I'm volunteering at. Lord's will???
*Now to the best part of my blog. :) I am volunteering this summer at a VERY poor apartment complex's summer program. It is only 2 mornings a week, but I was assigned all of the kids who just finished Kindergarten (MY kids!! and others that I love). Needless to say I was VERY anxious to check on my kids-to hug them/give them food!! As the kids started trickling in the room, I realized that EVERY kid was from my school. Every kid of every age came up and gave me a hug. They were so suprised to see me. I asked about their summers and hugged them each tight.

Then my kids started coming. One of the boys' jaw dropped and screamed, "MRS!!!!", another came running through the door and gave me a huge hug. She didn't leave my side for the rest of the morning. While the leader of the center was talking, all of my babies were huddled around me. They wanted to touch or be near. They kept looking over and smiling at me. One leaned in and whispered, "Mrs...I'm just SO glad you're here!!" I told her that I was so thankful to be there, too! We were all smiles as we read books, worked in the garden and learned about biking. We did some exercises and the leader challenged the kids to see who could do "plank" the longest. (VERY hard challenge). None of the kids were doing it right except one. This tiny little friend--he was in another class, but is a MESS and I always wished he was my student. This summer makes up for my lost time with him. Anyway, he was holding the plank position for almost a minute--I was cheering him on, and he whispered: This is SO hard. :)

*There was some down time, so I got out a book and read it to my sweet kids. Then I asked if they knew any songs they wanted to sing. We sang one they learned in music class and then one of my kids started singing: "I like it when you call me big poppy!"....UM!? Couldn't believe she knew that song...I told her I didn't think we should sing that. She said...Ok, Mrs!

*I spent the morning hugging my students' moms and catching up on everything. It was so good to see everyone!

*We went through lunch and I saw kids eating more than most adults could-they were SO hungry. As I looked around the room, their clothes were tattered, they were scarfing down food--but they had a GREAT morning with people who really care about them.

*We were outside later and other kids from the apartments were around. Then I saw a little girl SPRINTING across the grass-no shoes, a toothless (huge) smile and jumped into my arms. It was another one of my sweet students. Her mom followed her and said that when she heard I was outside, she leapt off the couch and the mom couldn't stop her before she was out the door and sprinting down the stairs. I told her mom that I was JUST as excited to see her!!!

It was a GREAT day. Before I left, they made me promise I'd be back tomorrow.
And then I went back this morning. Today we got to take the kids swimming. 9 years ago, I had my first summer job as a lifeguard. I worked at a very low income pool and taught swim lessons for free on my breaks. It was the first time I realized that I wanted to be a teacher. I saw these kids--who had no parents around, no money, but PURE joy to learn. I saw kids who were terrified of the water, a few weeks later swimming around the pool.

Today I got to relive that joy. NONE of the kids we took knew how to swim. I spent 3 hours teaching kids how to blow bubbles, kick on the side, to float, and eventually I would hold their bellies as they would kid and paddle around the pool. It was SO fun. Later, I was playing basketball with some older kids and I asked one of the little ones if he wanted to play. He looked at me VERY seriously as he walked around the pool and used his arms to paddle, "No, Mrs! I need to practice my swimmin!" Another little one was SO proud of himself for learning to blow bubbles that he went around to EVERYONE at the pool and showed them. Of course very frequently he sucked water back up his nose, so he would spend a few minutes hacking on the side of the pool. Didn't stop his effort one bit. He beamed with pride.

Some old people were swimming laps next to us in the pool. One of my hilarious girls said: "Mrs-look at that lady. She's doin her exercise. Watch me...I'm doin mine too. (As she did squats, etc. in the water). I couldn't stop laughing.

*One of the kids we adopted for Christmas was talking to me about her toys. I asked her if she liked playing with her doll. Her response: "I threw one of those babies away. She can talk. She can talk just like a person. It's weird-she shouldn't talk--it's a BABY. But I like the ones that don't talk. They're just normal pretend babies. I take care of THEM!" :)

*Older kids told me about how much they've been reading, the little ones (and big ones too) showed me a million tricks. We played shark, etc. It was so fun.

*And then I took one of my sweet girls to the bathroom. Now--you have to understand that every kid with us was black and that most of the other people at the fitness center were white. To the old lady who glared and my sweet student and looked at us both with disgust, I say this: You are blind to the beauty of this child. You need to OPEN YOUR EYES. I was taught to respect the elderly, but I have no respect for you. You are just lucky that my student did not hear your rude remark. It is time to OPEN YOUR EYES to the beauty in all people. I am completed disgusted by your actions.
*We had a great day. It was sad to see these 5-12 year old kids learning to do things I did at much younger ages...but it was so fun to see their joy when they learned. Afterwards, when we were eating lunch, a few of them said: "Mrs-you sure wore me out today. All that swimmin sure was tough".

After we came back to the apartments, they had some extra food so as they got it out, other kids started pouring out of their apartments to get something to eat. They ate every single bit. :(

I'm so thankful for the people that run this center. They give these kids food/a safe place to play and fun experiences. Most importantly, they give the kids love and a sense of worth. Because they ARE worth SO much. Someday soon I might be a foster parent...and I will give the child every opportunity that I possibly can. I don't know why some kids are born into families who are very priveledged, while others are left to fend for themselves. I can't speak to why our society feels that each family is on their own and is disgusted with these adults rather than TEACHING them how to parent/find a job/use their money/etc. But I CAN say that I am SO thankful for my job. I am so thankful for these kids. I love our mutual friendship. I love to hug them and teach them and play with them.

The Lord is powerful and is so good. I can't wait for the rest of this summer.

:)

Sad Goodbyes

School is out. It is SUMMER. As I packed up my classroom, I had a lot of time to think and remember. I put away the Center Games of reading sentences, writing notes to each other, etc. and got out letter ID games and puzzles. I organized my files and remembered EVERYTHING I had taught this year. (And that next year, I will be such a better teacher). It has been forever since I blogged--tonight was the first night in 2 weeks we ate dinner at our house--things have been INSANE, but I have a lot of sweet stories. So....this is the last blog of my first year of teaching. :)

*I was working on a "thank you" gift for our teacher coach who loves my kids and the volunteer who comes into my room once a week. We made them each a card, and the kids wrote very sweet things to them. Then I decided to order a picture of my class for each of them and frame it. Then I ordered a 8x11 print of my class to frame in MY house. Let's just say, my husband was very gracious to allow me to keep it in our living room.

*We went on our last field trip to a Farm last week. It was SO fun. For the last 2 weeks we had been learning about different farm animals and writing books about them. My kids were ADORABLE as we went on a tour of the farm. The guide asked them questions about the animals and the kids knew EVERY answer. :) So fun! After the tour we went on a hay ride--one of my kids was TERRIFIED as the horses started moving and was clenching to my arm. All the other kids were so excited at the adventure. The kids had a chance to feed goats, and then after lunch we split up into small groups. I had several parent volunteers who took my "easy" kids and I gave myself 5 of my craziest kids. I brought some quarters to buy food to feed some of the animals. So we started with the chickens. I have an African child who has the FUNNIEST facial expressions--she was feeding the chickens and then one of them sort of pecked her through the fence. She JUMPED up and SCREAMED as she dropped all of the chicken food. We both started laughing so hard. Highlight of the trip. :) There were several playgrounds at the farm and I kept asking my kids if they wanted to go play, but they were far too interested in the animals. It was the greatest field trip.

*Another teacher advised me to start saying goodbye to my kids one by one, so the last week isn't super emotional. On our last Wednesday recess (when it's just me and my class outside), I pulled the kids over 1 by 1 and told them why I loved them and how proud I was of them. Their faces glowed with pride. Several of my kids came up to me after and said: Mrs., How old are you? Me-How old do you think I am? Students-90? 16? 80? :)
Student-Mrs. You are SO big.
Me-Big and fat?
Student (After looking me up and down)-No!! Big and SKINNY!

*On Thursday, we had a Kindergarten music performance and then awards/treats in our rooms afterwards. I told my kids to dress nicely, and that morning one of my students walked in wearing heals    and a dress that looked a lot like mine. "Mrs!!!! I KNEW you'd wear that--I wanted to be your twin! Now I look JUST like you!!!" :)

The concert was literally the cutest thing I'd ever seen. They sang their hearts out and kept looking over at me as I gave them thumbs up. Nothing like the pride of your first performance on stage ;). Afterwards, all but 4 families came to my classroom (We're talking over 50 people in a tiny room) for Kindergarten Awards. I got very emotional as I told the parents how much I love their kids and how PROUD they should be of them. Then I gave an award to each kid of what I LOVED about them and how proud I was. I gave them each a little gift and then they read to their parents their "Favorite thing about Kindergarten". Some kids talked about the field trips, others about how much they loved centers, recess, etc. but MOST of my kids talked about how much they love Science time. (Because we get to learn the parts of a plant, because we planted grass, because we played with magnets, because we learned about animals). It was sweet. We then ate treats as I played a 20 minute slide show of the highlights of the year. The theme music was "You Got a Friend in Me". All of the parents were in their chairs, but my kids were down on the carpet--laying on their bellies, resting on their elbows and singing together and laughing as they saw each others' pictures. Another highlight of the year.

*A lot of people think that because I work in a high need area, the parents do not appreciate education. In some cases that is true, but my parents, for the most part, have been very thankful! Yes I've had big men in my face yelling at me for crazy reasons, but the next week they are your biggest fan. As each parent left our celebration, they hugged me and told me they couldn't imagine a better teacher/they didn't want their kid to go on/etc. It meant so much to me.

*The next day, one of my poorest, sweetest kids came in the door wearing a shirt with a note on it to me: Mrs, You are the most beautiful teacher because your passion for kids shines through you. Thank you for everything you've done, we will miss you, etc..." Another highlight of the year.

*Another parent sent me a note asking me to be her daughter's godmother. I was caught off guard at first, but then was very humbled and honored.

*As my kids were getting drinks the other day at the water fountain, I saw one of them flexing his muscles and looking back and forth to both arms. It starts young. :)

*We had an all-school talent show the other day and one of my babies made it in! :) She sang (belted out!!!) "The Clymb". Tears were pouring down my face as she sang so confidently and kept looking over at me as I nodded proudly and gave her thumbs up. I couldn't be more proud of her! Then some of the 5th graders got up there to sing. Their songs were GREAT and their voices were unbelieveable, but it made me very sad. These girls who are only 10/11 look like they are 18. They have been raising siblings, staying up til 2am with crying babies and acting like an adult in their homes. It just breaks my heart to watch them grow up SO fast. Several of the 5th graders were weeping uncontrollably on the last day of school, and it is understandable. This school is the ONE place where they get to act like kids. :(

*I can't express how hard it was to tear down my room and say goodbye to my kids. I knew my summer would be full of fun and rest, but as the kids BEGGED me to not make them go home for summer, it became very apparent that many of my kids won't have much food to eat. Most of them will be neglected this summer and some will not be safe. :( I was feeling a little emotional on the last day of school when the teacher coach at our school came in to present me with a book the kids and she made for me about why they love me. Each kid had written me a letter about why they love me. I had them come up 1 by 1 and read their page to me (while I magnified it on the SMart Board) Then I had the kid come give me a big hug. Several of their letters were SO sweet they made me cry....some of the kids had come SO far that I could READ their writing and it made me cry... "Look! Mrs is CRYIN!!" :) It was one of the greatest gifts I'd ever received.

*Then several parents showed up for the end of the year award ceremony. (I tell the secretaries kids who have improved in reading/writing/math/behavior...and a few kids who have perfect behavior-then kids get awards for perfect attendance and always bringing their library books back). It's not really a big deal and we don't invite parents. The parents were so sweet and thankful. Several of them handed me thank you notes written on scrap paper--worth SO much more than any monetary gift I've been given before.

*One of the moms who came's kids didn't get an award. I apologized to her and said that our big award ceremony was really last Thursday and that I loved her kid so much. She said it was ok and went ahead and took her kid home. We had a GREAT last day of school. Then about 10 minutes before the bell rang the principal came in and told me the grandpa of the kid whose mom took him early was here and was very angry at me because his kid didn't get an award. After I dismissed my kids and gave them a final hug goodbye, I went in to face the man. To make a long story short, this man (who had been a GREAT support to me before--always telling me what a great teacher I am and coming on field trips with us) was screaming at me in the hallway--telling me I was a terrible teacher and that I had "Dropped the ball"...said he was pulling his kid out of this school, cussing and wouldn't even look me in the eye. I tried to calm him down and get him to come into my room to talk, but he kept screaming. He demanded his kids' school supplies (which we share with all kids and I had bought most of). The principal walked into my room with me as I collected supplies to give him--as soon as I was out of sight of the man I broke down and could not stop crying. I was so embarassed to cry in front of my principal but tried to get the stuff together. I brought it out to him and said "have a great summer"--he grabbed the bag and stormed off without a word. I walked back into my room crying--I was SO crushed. Other teachers came in and tried to comfort me--saying that it was RIDICULOUS and that every teacher experiences crazy parents, but something about it happening from THAT family on the last day of school crushed me. Even though all these other parents were SO affirmative--the last thing I experienced in my first year, was a parent screaming in my face.

*After a few days, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not in this for the adults. I am in this for the kids. A lot of these kids have crummy homes to say the least. And I also need to remember that most of these PARENTS grew up in crummy homes too. I am letting it go, but it still really hurt. Crazy parents!

*My husband and I have deep cleaned our house, had a BBQ with friends, got a massage that we bought on groupon, bought a grill and cooked on it, went swimming several times, slept in, gone to a movie, and have been NORMAL people and it's only been 2 days!!!

I feel blessed to be on summer break, but worried about my kids. I am going to volunteer at a center that my poorest kids live at two times a week, so that will be good. My husband and I are also starting forster care classes. We are still unsure about what it will look like for us, but we are starting the classes and trusting that God will lead us. We could use your prayers.

I can't believe this is the last blog post for the year. Next time I write, I'll have new kids and it will be a new school year.

I have been so unbelievably blessed by my job. It has changed me--it has changed my husband and it will change our future. The Lord has been so faithful and I know we will NEVER be the same. :)

:)